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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25734514">Bottom Line</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwatereJones/pseuds/AwatereJones'>AwatereJones</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Line [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Torchwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Family, Gen, Humor, Kids, Love, M/M, Marriage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:46:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>34,463</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25734514</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwatereJones/pseuds/AwatereJones</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dotted Line continued, if you did not read that you need to. Ianto is trying to organize the 'wedding' and that sister still lurks.  Two years after their first meeting at the 'other wedding'</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Line [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1866739</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>105</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>80</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> – Ianto</p><p>I know it's silly but it's something I do not want to budge on. I do NOT want my wedding to be on the anniversary of our real one. I mean … it's a day of loveliness sure, the day we met. The day we fell in love, the day we accidentally got wed … but it is also the non-wedding anniversary of my sister and Jack's brother. I do not want to share ANYTHING with them.</p><p>Case in point … my kids. Rhiannon is trying to rumble things there again, another lawyer she found somewhere in London stupid enough to think I might actually believe after two years of silence she might be able to begin demanding things again. The tone of the letter was clear. Give me my kids or compensation for the loss. Money. It always comes down to money with her. I was so pissed I almost vomited, standing there with that piece of paper in my hand imagining her spontaneously combusting or something. Jack took the crumpled letter from me and calmly called our lawyer who sorted things toot sweet. He is so bloody supportive. I still find it hard to believe we found one another under such weird circumstances.</p><p>So … I was thinking … the window between the wedding and Jessie's birth might be the best spot. Between the moment of 'hello' and the moment of 'oh wow' right? Seems Jack was also thinking about the perfect moment and he had another date all together in mind.</p><p>"But it makes sense" he said for the umpteenth time "It's your favourite holiday bar Christmas, we can have a tree and…"</p><p>"Halloween" I know I am pulling a face but seriously, I am a bit disappointed in his lack of imagination there.. also .. it's SO far away. I have waited two years for the big wedding; I have it all in my head what I want, how and where. I even have things I have been buying to prepare now he wants it later in the year? A Halloween themed wedding. Is he fucking…. Oh. Bastard son of a bitch … he's messing with me. OK. "Sounds lovely … I could be Dracula. What about you?"</p><p>He sort of blinks and stares at me, caught in his own game "Ah … I think … a pirate. Like Jack Sparrow."</p><p>"Well … then we could do the entire thing pirate themed if you like. You know … the Pet Store over by the Plaza has parrots, David pointed it out the other day and I said no, no more pets. He would be so…"</p><p>"Oh god!" he suddenly blurts "TIGER! Jesus … I am kidding!"</p><p>"What?" I make my eyes wide and sarcastically say "No booty then?"</p><p>"You knew!" he points at me, laughing now as he realizes I got his number, then we both laugh softly as the silliness of it "Darling!"</p><p>"You should know me by now Cariad … it takes more than a little needling to get a rise out of me. Cheeky Stinker!" I scold, leaning in for a kiss as he hums happily, his hands sliding around me to pull me closer.</p><p>"I think a nice summer or autumn wedding would be lovely" I murmur as he strokes my face in that way only he ever has, stroking away any frown lines and reminding me that he finds this face of mine attractive.</p><p>"I have the image in my head … at the other place. We can open up the two out buildings and people can stay if they don't want to drive after drinking … get wed out back by the woods, a nice buffet style meal after when people can sit, or walk around if they want … the kids will have the playground to play on, their own little space so they are not running underfoot … I even have a few things put away already including some really cute lights for the twilight… thinking maybe some music and dancing … you know … just a party. A celebration of us" I stop talking as his face is so soft, those eyes drinking me in like I am the last and only thing on earth. No need to talk anymore, not when I now he can't hear me over his own heartbeat, my own getting louder as we kiss again, the sink bench digging into my hip as he pushed against me.</p><p>"When does Luce get back with the kids?" he whispers, Lucia has taken our son in the pushchair for a nice walk to retrieve the kids from the library.</p><p>"Half an hour, story time will be just finishing now" I whisper back, giggling as he waggles his eyebrows and there is no need to enquire what he wants.</p><p>It's what we both want.</p><p>Some afternoon delight.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. taking stock</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>– Jack</p><p>I know Rhiannon and Gray will no doubt rear their heads at some point, Gray hard to ignore as he is back with my parents in the pool house again. I sometime wonder if he is ever going to grow up. I doubt it.</p><p>Things between him and Rhiannon soured about a year ago and it looks like this time it's really settled in, the reconciliation at Christmas turning into a physical altercation that saw him with stitches in his head that he swears is from tumbling down the steps in the snow and ice. Ianto did not believe him, neither do I … she lamped him with something. Clearly. Reinforced by the fact he got a restraining order and stopped the whole text thing with her. Finally… I think they are done. I hope so … I know we sure are.</p><p>The kids are doing great. I am so proud of David, entering the cadets at school and his uniform is so cute. I love parading him about, thinking of places I have to go after school when he's had cadet training so they can see his little uniform and whenever someone points out a resemblance I know I flounce a little as I tell them he is my son. There might not be blood there, but there is love and I know that love is stronger than anything else. He does look like me I think. Same hair, same walk and he is starting to stand like me too. Ianto pointed it out, I hadn't noticed but Ianto showed me on his phone, some footage of the two of us walking along the aisle at the garden centre and ya know… he does look like me. It's so sweet... cool… and really flattering that he chooses to emulate me. Ianto does not mind, sees it as sweet to.</p><p>Mimi on the other hand… now that little imp is clearly Ianto's child. Quick witted, sly and prone to sniggering before telling us what thing ticked her funny bone. Her humour is spot on, so sarcastic with a touch of wit.</p><p>Jessie… oh boy… our little boy. Now the terrible twos are approaching … god help us the little monster is running. Not walking … no … apparently when you seen an opening you run like a mad motherfucker and hope to bolt from the stables before the treacherous Daddy can get you, always choosing the moment Taddy is not looking so it is never his fault, but mine that I apparently took my eye off the ball. When Ianto is there he's an Angel wanting to hold hands, babble bullshit and grin like he is running for office. When Ianto leaves the room and I am in charge… he just flat out runs.</p><p>I know he is attached to Ianto, clear in the way he cuddles into him when tired, maybe I am a little jealous of that. He wants him, not me. But seriously … sly as a shithouse rat! When in a store he disappears, making me terrified as my heart pounds and I search like a gremlin let loose just before midnight in a bakery but then he reappears all innocent, clutching someone's hand like I am a terrible father for abandoning him or something, looking relieved to find me and running to me with big tears and kisses. Yeah… he doesn't want me to go home and tell Taddy tht he did it again to me … what can I say. I am a sucker that coddles him, croons and whispers that we will not tell Taddy this time then.</p><p>The triumphant look always startles the person who thought I was a bad Dad, like seeing that clown in the move 'It' smile, the face changing to a little demon. I know it sounds bad thinking of my son like this… don't get me wrong. I love him to bits… he is the most amazing baby and I know I spoil him more than Ianto who scolds me for giving in all the time but even Alice has noticed the way he can manipulate me and in her sweet childlike way asked me if I am sure he is not blood related to us, he seems to have our sneaky ways.</p><p>Alice spends more time with us now as well … well, so does Lucia and Giles. Some weekends it is all of us at the holiday house the kids have started calling the 'other home' as I find Owen and Toshiko settling nicely into a strange family with all of us adults tending to the kids without a second thought. Lucia is also preggers … something she and Giles are over the moon about. I am too. I had thought Owen and Toshiko might but Ianto whispered to me in the dark the other night tht Owen will never be a father, his own childhood too nasty and scaring for him to ever want to revisit it on a child, even by accident. It took him a long time to be around our kids comfortably.</p><p>Had to imagine.</p><p>Anyone not loving the crazy guy.</p><p>Owen is a hoot.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. times are a changing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>- Ianto</p><p>"That's right Heather, perfect" Lucia is praising her assistant who will have to take over in a few weeks when Lucia goes on maternity leave. Baby is due ant day and she finally has to admit that she cannot hand over at a moment's notice. I like the young girl, her mother a friend of Lucia's who will also help out, a fellow florist with plenty of know-how that wanted her daughter to see what is involved, hopefully carry on the job.</p><p>I am standing at the joining door, the cat attacking my trousers a little beast of a thing that has Heather giggly as she glances over to see me ignoring it as it tries to climb my trouser leg. Lucia looks over, seeing me and smiles, Leaving the girl to waddle over with her hand splayed across her large stomach.</p><p>"Ianto! There you are. Ready to go?"</p><p>"Me?" I laugh "Excuse me missus, I am the one waiting on you!"</p><p>"Likely story" she retorts, trying to hook her handbag from the chair and I pick it up, handing it to her as she smiles gratefully then follows me to the SUV where she makes an 'Omph' sound as she sits down. I know without looking that her feet are swollen. She has overdone it again. I also hold back the scolding she should have, there is enough of that coming from her husbands, both the ex and currentlyconcerned man.</p><p>Jack is an attentive friend to her, she has told me in confidence he is better now than with Alice. Seems time has made him a better person, although she still argues that it was me that did that. Whatever. I think he would be a good man no matter what.</p><p>It has been so quiet on the sister front that I am a little nervous lately. Not like her to be quiet so long, I know Johnny cutting off her money as well as Jacks' parents will have hurt. Gray finally seeing that this horse he was flogging was not just dead, it was rotting. Johnny has tried a few times, coming around with a little poesy of flowers for Mimi and some toy planes or something for David that he accepted graceful even if they were too babyish for him now. Mimi seems happy to see him but also happy when he is gone. Like her mind can't really make up its mind and I know that is normal. He was her Da, she can't let him go as easy as David did. After all … he did love her.</p><p>Jack's parents have stepped up, his mother especially attached to little Jessie and it is common to turn around and find her at the table with him, not even announcing that she is visiting. Just… there. I am tiring to accept that she does not realise how annoying that is for me but I know I am close to snapping at her for blatantly ignoring my personal space here. If she can't ring first, at least fucking knock as she bursts into my home like a fucking burglar. Maybe I am touchy. My sleep pattern is messed up for some reason, keep waking up like someone is moving about but when I check I find everyone abed still asleep. Just this fool wandering about in the dark with his saggy undies on. Need new undies.</p><p>As I drive us home I start to talk to Lucia about my thoughts with David's latest play. He has a bit part and is also doing scenery with Jack helping. They are currently making trees in the garage so both cars are sitting outside. I do like driving into my garage in the cooler weather and I hope they finish the bloody things soon. Of course... my real question is how they will transport these life sized trees to the school from our place.</p><p>"Knowing Jackie, he's not even thought that far ahead" she giggles "I see them strapped on the roof of the SUV ya know."</p><p>"Over my dead body, the paintwork alone" I sigh "I might ask Giles if he can get the trailer or something. You're not using it are you?"</p><p>"No .. think it is at the Other Home though, they had those garden pavers on it last" she replies and I remember now. Yeah. Right.</p><p>"Well… this weekend I will make sure they unload them and the trailer can come home with us. Then those bloody trees can go and I can have my parking bay back!" I mutter.</p><p>"What's wrong?" she asks softly, my grumbling getting to obvious.</p><p>"Our wedding day coming up and I am thinking of her. I don't' want her there, it feels horrible to think that way but after everything she did I do not want her there on my special dy. She did enough already" I explain. "Anyway … it would be a breach of the order."</p><p>"She wouldn't dare try anything" Lucia agrees with a nod of her head "She has no one left to help her anyway."</p><p>I hope that's true.</p><p>I just can't shake that feeling of dread.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. fishing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>– Jack</p><p>I am attempting to reclaim my son, not an easy task as my mother insists in one more kiss from her baby boy. "Come on Jessie love, kisses for Gran"</p><p>"Ganny!" Jessie says happily, leaning over as she crouches low to place his lips on hers for a moment and I am glad Ianto is not here or he would cringe about now. Funny how she went on about me kissing him but it's OK for a grown arsed woman to have a little toddler kissing her on the lips.</p><p>"come on stink" I scoop him up quick before mom can try for another, immediately getting those hard little shoes drumming against my legs as he screams that 'Poppa' needs one too. Reluctantly I raise him to eye level so my father gleefully rubs noses with him. A better alternative to a kiss I know Ianto prefers.</p><p>I walk out to the car, talking with them about the upcoming wedding plans, pleased Gray is back with them and can come. I think he was sure he would be best man, something my mother confirms as I repeat firmly that David is my Best Man. Was from the first moment I even considered one.</p><p>"I just think… given the hard work your brother has put in…"</p><p>"Mom. We are not going to agree, let's just recognize that and stop beating one another over the head" I say firmly, Ianto's encouragement in my mind as I make eye contact like he said to "I have decided. It is MY day and MY son. OK?"</p><p>"Fish pond" my father said distractedly and I realize I had let me son go while facing my mother and I run as he toddles with his arms wide, hands splayed towards the feckin fish pond. I catch him before he makes it and help him the rest of the way, holding him over it to look down as I gently remind him this is out of bounds.</p><p>"Tadda will growl" I say, such a cop out when it comes to punishing him "Tadda sez no!"</p><p>"Tadda. No-no!" Jessie agrees, waving to the fish before I turn and head for the SUV.</p><p>"And the other kids?" Dad asks me as Mom fusses Jessie into his seat stealing another kiss.</p><p>"Giles is collecting them from school and meeting me at or place. Lucia is on her last days and tires easily. We are going to take Alice for the next week or so in order for the two of them to get some peace in preparation and some alone time. Also means when baby comes she is already with us, will not see the new baby as forcing her out for a few days. Even though she loves it at ours. Ianto spoils her."</p><p>"Lovely lad" my father says softly, smiling wistfully "tell him that chutney he sent over is wonderful on toast with my grilled cheese."</p><p>"Good, he made a whole batch. I know another jar or two will come your way." I assure him, my father humming happily. Ianto leant the way to my dad's heart was through his tum.</p><p>"Jack!" Gray is coming across the lawn from the pool house where he currently resides, waving energetically and he speeds up as he catches sight of the monster "Awwww not the kid. I was gonna keep him. Bummer, kinda cute ya know."</p><p>Jessie laughs and waves to his uncle, affection there as he then blows a little kiss, the 'kiss' hand flung out to catch my mother on the cheek as she tries yet another kiss for luck. Serves her right!</p><p>"Mom, come on. If you don't stop he will die from lack of oxygen. Christ."</p><p>"Language Jackson!" she sternly scolds me.</p><p>"Langige Jacking!"</p><p>"Oi…. You cut that out too ya little monkey" I poke my son as he chortles and lets his head falls back. So damned cheeky and full of mischief at this age. I must admit, I do love every minute of it</p><p>"Right… we will see you Saturday for the run though" Dad finally says as he steps back "Hopefully there will be a new baby to fuss over too."</p><p>"If Luce has her way it is coming out tonight. I think in the next day or so the way Ianto is checking his go-bag." I agree.</p><p>"I thought she was the one to have… oh. Of course... he has one too. How sweet. He is such a thoughtful man, always worrying about everyone" my Mom smiles, her liking Ianto something that also took time but she seems to have got over her 'gay' thing and now sees him for what he is to me.</p><p>Everything.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. squished cat?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>– Ianto</p><p>Lucia is settled and Giles comes though the door, calling out softy In case she is asleep. I slap hands with him in a weird high-five kind of tag-team trade off as I head for thor back door. He is shouldering off his coat while peeking at her asleep in the day bed as I let myself out, heading home to chaos.</p><p>"Thank god!" Jack says as I enter the house to find children all over the place. The boy from down the road also there. Seems it tipped the balance with Jack … one more too much for him to control.</p><p>"HEY!" I roar, children pausing to stare at me as a vase of roses calmly topples to the carpet.</p><p>"David? Could you and Dylan perhaps get a cloth for that water?" I ask as calmly as I can, knowing my eye is twitching in a way that always startles the kids. Mica and Alice are on the floor surrounded by so many colouring pens it is a wonder they can breathe for the fumes. The huge colouring mat on the floor a new one. "Cariad? New mat?"</p><p>"Hmm? Yeah, from Mom" Jack is back at the stove, relived to be able to concentrate on his soup as I look around and find something amiss.</p><p>"Cariad? Jess?"</p><p>Jack stops stirring and then glances at me, telling me what I nodded to know and I walk calmly to the bedroom where our son is in a timeout, laying on the bed breaking his tiny heart as loud sobs shake his frame. All a rouse. He is actually angry and it is his angry crying. Something happened, or didn't happen and he is showing his dissatisfaction with a tantrum. Two. A lovely age. Words are great but not enough, emotions are strong and not always in a good way and some days you can't win. Lisa had an angry cry too.</p><p>"OK. I am home now. Do you think you can find words to tell me how big it is?" I ask, Jessie rolling to his back to glare at me like I am thick for asking.</p><p>"Dadda!"</p><p>"Yes. Daddy did something wrong?"</p><p>"Myf. Mrf squish. Dadda did."</p><p>"What?" I squeak, the horror of thinking Myfanwy was run over or something. One of Estelle's cats that seems more like mine .. or maybe Jack's since she seems to insist on gong in the SUV for rides with him all the time like a dog or something, Myf is a scattery thing that clearly thinks she is a dog as she is ten foot ten and bullet proof. Moses, the old cat just ignores her. Weird thing … since the kids started living with me she just… well… moved in. Clementine always liked her, the two kittens I brought home for the kids too much for her. Seems Myf thinks it's her house too. Her Jack too, it seems.</p><p>"Yep. Myf squishy!"</p><p>Hold on… I am missing something and I turn to find Jack there who explains patiently "Our son thought Estelle's cat might like to be squished into a drawer in his dresser. Only… yesterday. I found her when I opened it just before and she is terrified, pissed as hell and the drawer has cat shit all through it!"</p><p>Shit. Literally… not I know what the smell was the soup was not quite covering.</p><p>"Is she OK?" I ask, knowing she is Jack's favourite. After all, it's him she goes in the SUV with like it's no big deal. It is kinda cute that he still calls her Estelle's cat though. Even Estelle had admitted defeat there.</p><p>"She's under our bed refusing to speak to anyone. I think he really needs to think about how scary it was for her in there, alone in the dark. All hungry and cold." Jack growls and I am taken back a bit as he is not the authoritarian here. He NEVER scolds or disciplines the kids, especially the monkey here. Wow. He does love that cat.</p><p>"Jessie… why did you put Myf in the drawer?"</p><p>"For later" he explained, his bottom lip wobbling and a large tear rolling done his cheek "I wanted her for later."</p><p>"But if you are mean she will not like you and will not come for cuddles when you want them" I try to explain calmly "Kitty got a fright. You scared her and she was crying too. She is a little person with feelings and scareys."</p><p>"Oh" he sighs, his huge brown eyes widening as he considered and found himself to be a monster. Cue more crying and flopping back as Jack rushed to console the child he was just scolding. "SHE HATES ME NOWWWWWWWW"</p><p>"Right. I think you need to stay here on the bed and think about how Myf must have felt. Maybe if you draw her a pretty picture to put by the feeding bowls and you can help Daddy feed her tonight she might forgive you?" I offer, the child's eye narrowing at the thought of work but nodding as he heard he could do something with Daddy.</p><p>"Yeah, we will open one of her special tins. Yeah? You can help me feed all of them" Jack crooned, kissing our son's face and rubbing his back "And the doggie too?"</p><p>Soft touch.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. why at night?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>– Jack</p><p>Lucia has rung, her waters gone and also her sanity as he can hear her over the speakerphone while Ianto gets dressed and tells her she does have a man beside her. Of course, he doesn't sound that much help, panicking as well. You know, looking back ... I think I was a little panicky and my reaction was more than a little annoying for her as I dropped the bag, raced to the car and almost took off before she was even in the damn thing. Man … good luck buddy.</p><p>"I will meet you there… breathe and visualize" he is calm as he shuffles into his shoes, leans over and kisses me goodbye, leaving me to the night, and come morning … children. I consider going back to sleep but am excited now.</p><p>I get up and find a little monkey sitting up in the bed listening to his Taddy's vehicle leaving the driveway, his face turned to the window with interest. I sit on the bed "Hey stinky. Tadda has gone to help Aunty Lou have her bubba. Yeah? Soon you will have ... well… a cousin?"</p><p>He seems settled by that, knowing Taddy will be back and he settles back in the bed, his hand reaching for me so I lay next to him humming as I rub his little back and he is soon asleep once more. I love him so much. I remember being this way with Alice and Lucia scolding me for being to smothery. Nice that Ianto lets me. I owner if Giles is a smotherer, I think he might be. He does love to cuddle our little stink. I do hope she is OK, they are OK.</p><p>I can't sleep. I remember Alice's birth, Lucia's pain and I can't help but go over it in my mind. Relive it as the clock ticks and when the cell phone pings softly with a message I know the deed is done, excitedly snatching it up to see that their little boy was here. I am so excited. I can't wait to see him.</p><p>Ianto arrives home tired but elated, so happy for her and for the family as a whole. "He's so sweet. A good size, almost eight pounds. God, he might not fit those booties I got for him. BIG feet. Giles has big feet, he has his feet. Her mouth. God, I am tired. Giles is a walking zombie."</p><p>"I know Giles will be a great dad. I bet he is over the moon" I smiled as I imagined his glee.</p><p>"Until Lucia's aunt turned up" Ianto sighed and Jack grimaced, remembering too well the nasty woman.</p><p>"God. When Lucia's mother died that woman … made her life hell. Wanted family heirlooms that were Lucia's in the will … wanted control of the funeral arrangements … then tried to break into the house and take ownership of it… oh my god. She was a Rhiannon" I stopped talking and winced as my mouth got away from me but Ianto wss so happy he didn't notice… or forgave me. Whew. After al … Gray gets a caustic mention sometimes too.</p><p></p><div class="google-auto-placed ap_container">
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</div><p>"I bet our little man will be great friends with him" Ianto said, then stopped, turning to face me. Oh god. He had heard me. Then he said "Maybe they would like the Bee Hive Dresser? Now they know it's a boy. I don't know if they have anything special … she kept things mostly pretty banal until they knew for sure."</p><p>"Sure honey, we will offer his things, not like we will need them again and she did move some of his outfits too. Commented on them, I kept everything like a hoarder." I nodded, thinking she would probably say no. This style we had here was not her thing. She liked beige. Mind you, Ianto was making her life more colourful in so many ways. Who knows… maybe she was growing too.</p><p>I know I am certainly more of a grown-up these days.</p><p>Sort of.</p><p>Once we were settled on the sofa, watching the sun come up as Ianto cuddled against me like a large, handsome kitty cat, I tried not to be too emotional about the day as I looked at how much my life has changed in these few short years.</p><p>The happiness that grew from one stupid thing that was really like a sort-up for our life. Like it was destined. I think that now. I was supposed to meet him, have him. My love. I wonder… if like that song 'a thousand years' we waited so long, will meet over and over again in different lives until we finally get one another. For real. Like… the gods keep throwing us at one another until we final stick? Always?</p><p></p><div class="google-auto-placed ap_container">
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</div><p>I tell Ianto this theory and he snorts softly, too tired to get into a debate about it like he usually would, instead whispering "I can accept that theory. We are destined."</p><p>"Yeah" I whisper as I hug him to me and what those eyelashes flutter on his cheeks "Destined."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. finding my place to stand</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> - Ianto</p><p>"Dwayne." Lucia said and I struggled to look interested in the name, even as I knew my lip was starting to curl beyond my control, betraying my horror. A little blonde sweetie? Really? Such a … big name?</p><p>"Told you" Giles started to laugh "He hates it."</p><p>"No…no…its very… strong. Like…The Rock …er…" this is when I realized they are taking the piss and I decided to double down "He can get dreads and stuff maybe? A little muscle shirt?"</p><p>"OK…OK" Giles waved his hands for me to stop "Sylvester. No shit, Sly for short, like Sylvester Stallone."</p><p>"Ah… I actually like Sylvester, although… I will think of the cat" I replied, then with horror realized they were truthing.</p><p>Lucia started to laugh "Oh my god, I hadn't' thought of that. Sylvester and Tweety Bird. Oh god, no. No."</p><p>Giles sat back and huffed "Shit. He's right. It's a naughty cat."</p><p>"God, may as well call him Rambo" I said as I saw that they were not set on the name and I hadn't committed some sin but scoffing at their name.</p><p>"OK. I did have an Uncle Stephen I was really fond of" Lucia finally said.</p><p>"Stephen. Stevie." Giles tried it on for size "Little Stevie Boy. Yeah… I like that. Yeah."</p><p>"I do too" I agreed "More like Stephen Amell from the Green Arrow right? Or Steve Tyler from Aerosmith. Strong, confident and sexy."</p><p>"Yeah" Lucia lit up "really? I like it. Stephen Joshua?"</p><p>"Ahhhh, that sounds nice" I nod as I look at the little man in my arms, dead to the world and pouting with wind "Nice and easy to learn to spell, easy to remember. Everyone remembers a Stephen."</p><p>"Yeah!" Giles said happily rising to take the baby "I'll pop him down. Come on love. You know the rules. He's asleep, you sleep too."</p><p>"And you. I have to go, Jack's coming home early today to go shopping with me" I rose and watched them cuddling on the sofa so I pull the blanket over them both as their little treasure sleeps in the basket "Alice is still happy as a clam and after school I will bring her over for a look. She isn't missing you too much, isn't jealous of the baby and telling everyone she's a big sister."</p><p>"Is it really OK keeping her until the weekend?" Giles asked sleepily "We are getting a good routine going and by then we will be Ok with her too."</p><p>"She's fine. You know she is. Just focus on little Stevie right now" I assure them, pleased with the name now it's settled into our minds. He is tiny, blonde and so sweet… but man … those feet are huge.</p><p>I drive to the store for the dry cleaning and hum softly as I wait for Mister Hewes to collect my things, wanting the world go by outside the window. Happy. Man, how life changes quickly, things can go up and down at the drop of a … sister. Shit. Rhiannon.</p><p>She didn't see me and I plastered myself against a rack of clothing, then find meself slumping into it Homer Simpson Style into the hedge. She entered the store as Mister Hewes re-entered and stood looking for me with open confusion. I felt like a fool so I stepped out and smiled "Ah. There they were. Nothing of mine in here then."</p><p>"Ianto!" she honed in on me like a fucking heat seeking missile "Look at you. You've put on weight!"</p><p>She said it like it was a bad thing and for a movement I felt that hesitation I always felt when she did a passive aggressive complement/insult. Then I remembered that I didn't owe her anything and I looked her dead in the eye as I replied "You too."</p><p>Silence, then Mister Hewes started to snigger, handing me my things and turning to her "Right. I will go see if I can find your bosses things then"</p><p>"Oh, got a job?" I asked with shock and slight relief "Good for you."</p><p>"Don't' have to sound so fucking condescending about it" she snarled back "Not like I had a choice. My babies gone and you and your boyfriend with them all cozied up like ya feckin own them!"</p><p>"Actually … we do" I really couldn't stop my tongue once It had freedom. What the hell. Got for it. "They are our children now after all Rhiannon, we should cuddle and love them. You know… you never did sign those papers releasing them. Johnny did of course, didn't' want to pay child support or anything. Now we've adopted them …I don't know how we would go about garnishing your wage for your portion of child support you owe us. Where did you say you work again?"</p><p>Her face paled as she stared at me then she took off, leaving me alone in the store with my laundry over my arm. Mister Hewes came out and looked at me "Chased her off did ya?"</p><p>"Yep. With a big fat stick" I said calmly, watching him struggle then start to laugh in that deep boom he has.</p><p>Yep.</p><p>I hold the Happiness stick and you can get the shitty end if ya like bitch … my end is golden!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Ph or V</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> - Jack</p><p>"So … she still didn't know about us being married?" I asked as I watched Ianto putter about getting changed. Funny guy, got home then had to change but it felt nice to know he wanted to look good for me. Funny because I never really cared about that with other partners but… Ianto on my arm is kind of different. I like him looking so slick. Mine.</p><p>"They decided on a name" Ianto changed the subject in that way he does as he came out of the bathroom looking edible.</p><p>"Yah?"</p><p>"Stephen. Steive. Stephen Joshua" Ianto said and I thought about it, finding that I liked that name. Always did, never met a Steven or Stephen that I didn't like.</p><p>I left Ianto choosing another tie as he suddenly didn't like that one and I headed to check on the little one asleep in the sun. He has a beanbag chair in the living room, pulled by the window and the sin is blasting in on him as he lays there snoring like a trouper. Man that kid can sleep.</p><p>"Hello love" Estelle said as she stepped through the open patio doors, her lips on my cheek soft as she passed me to settle on the sofa, watching over our little devil.</p><p>"Right, we will be home in two hours with the kids" I tell her as Ianto comes out of the bedroom area looking prefect. Of course. "Ready Tiger?"</p><p>"Yes. Let's go shopping" he told me then he turned to Estelle "thank you for watching the little man. He will be excited to wake up to you, he loves playing Tea Party with you."</p><p>"I have some baking here for him, I know he is partial to the walnut cupcakes" she said happily settling down.</p><p>"You know Estelle… if Jack hadn't snapped me up" Ianto winked at her and she giggled. I winked as well, happy to let him tease her. Soft flirting with a woman of that age did not make me feel the least bit worried.</p><p>I am a little surprised to find that I actually have jealous tendencies. I mean, I never had before but now … the mere thought of someone else gaining his attention makes me so damned angry. I know he would never stray, neither would I but it's like a crazy irrational feeling.</p><p>We went to the store and I watched him search for just the right thing for the baby, his face animated as he gushed and crooned. I wondered how other people did it. Existed without their love of their life in their world. How did I? I do not remember a time without him, not a good one anyway. My life was so … tepid. Yeah, that's the word. He is so vibrant and warm that it's like being on a tropical island. Sometimes I close my eyes and stand there basking in the love that flows from him and he asks if I have a headache or something. I've tried to find words to explain it to him a few times but they fail me. Me. Someone who can't shut up to save himself can't tell this wonderful creature what he really means to me.</p><p>I kinda hope he knows. Those moments alone when he touches me, presses against me or even in a crowded room full of noise and bluster he is suddenly there for a moment, just a hand against mine then he is gone mingling again leaving me somehow more fulfilled than all the drugs or alcohol I tried in my younger days with John bloody Hart. I always knew I was looking or something, just didn't realise the best high in the world was his soft breathy moan in my ear as he cums.</p><p>Shit. Getting a hard on. Horn dog. Babies, little babies and puppies and oh. Look!</p><p>"Tiger look! Teddies with names in them!" I call out and he is there gushing as he looks for one with Stephen written on it. He seems almost frantic and I text Lucia for the spelling, did they decide on Stephen or Steven?</p><p>She answers as I sort of knew she would.</p><p>Steven. For Stevie. Easier spelling.</p><p>Yep.</p><p>I show him the phone and he seems to deflate and sigh then smile as he holds up a soft powder blue teddy with STEVEN on the tummy. "Thank god! There is no Stephen one!"</p><p>"Well there ya go. I suddenly remembered her saying one that she loved old fashioned names and spelling. Why she likes my name. And Alice. Funny … Giles. Not really a common one" I mumble as I watch him search for teddies for all the other kids too. Yeah, so wonderful that he wants all the kids to be happy.</p><p>"No but we make exceptions for the one we love" He replied without looking up from the pile of teddies, plucking out one now and then to drop in the basket "After all, never saw meself with a Jack-the-lad."</p><p>There it is. That quick wit and cheeky glance over his shoulder as his pert arse wriggles at me and I am lost again, laughing as I reach out not caring if it's a Mummy &amp; Me store, patting that lovely arse.</p><p>"Cheeky Tiger!"</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. put a pin in it</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div>
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  <div class="storycontent nocopy">
    <p>- Ianto</p>
    <p>Jack could hear me laughing and I know I should have been quieter but with the level of stress around the place with the new baby, Rhiannon … my wedding plains or lack thereof … I really think I was due a good comedy.</p>
    <p>Jack entered and I knew he was there but I could not draw my eyes from the screen as Fawlty Towers played on the TV, the weird walk and theatrical faces were so damned funny. Jack sat next to me and leaned forward to watch and after awhile I realized he was not laughing as well, I turned to him and asked througg my laugher "don't you like it?"</p>
    <p>"It's racist" he pointed out, "Manuel is… well. It's not good."</p>
    <p>I felt my smile fading as he trashed a classic, a real British classic that I always enjoyed. Yes, it was a parody of a Spanish waiter… that's the point. I stared at him as he screwed his face up, shaking his head as he asked "why do you watch this?"</p>
    <p>"I wonder that myself now" I sighed as I turned it off and rose from the sofa. Way to kill a mood. He was being weird lately, the last few days in particular. Sulky almost and I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was I hadn't done, or had done or whatever. Ya know? I hate that feeling, Lisa made me feel that way all too often in our relationship. I didn't want to see it here.</p>
    <p>"The formal invitations came back from the printers" tried for some positivity and he did seemed to rally, opening the box so we could check them together. Both of us were happy with them, everything perfectly done, just as we had asked and as Jack finally started to perk up Jessie toddled into the room with a look of determination. I couldn't help but wonder what the hell he had done, shooting up the hallway to see if a room had exploded or something.</p>
    <p>Everything looked surprisingly OK so after searching and I returned to find Jack cuddling the child like they had found a dead cat or something. Ok. I was missing something. I decided to simply ask "what's up guys?"</p>
    <p>"Jessie is bored. Misses the kids when they are away at school. Wants to visit Granny and Grandpa" Jack said as he tucked the child under his chin. I knew I pulled a face because his frown deepened. "What. What have they done now?"</p>
    <p>"Nothing. It's not that. I sort of… I wanted some time with you today" I sighed, shrugging "the catering is being finalized and I wanted to go over the seating chart before…"</p>
    <p>"Why can't we just elope" Jack sighed "Not like it's a big idea. Not even real. We are already married, this is just some big production. And the cost is skyrocketing…"</p>
    <p>"Hey!" I cut him off, not liking an argument with Jessie in the room but I ws not going to let that slide. "I am paying for everything remember? My trust fund? I can have as many flowers as I want. I wanted this…. OK. OK. You're right. Not a real wedding. Just a party. OK. We will do that then. I will tone it back and… we will just have a band and some food and… a party. OK. If that's what you want. After all ... not your first rodeo even if it's supposed to be my mine. I didn't realize I was being a Bridezilla or whatever. OK."</p>
    <p>His sigh and eye roll did NOT help and I knew he was deflecting his own frustration in not being able to voice what was really getting at him but after all the planning and all the things I put in place, to hear him say it's not real … well … it hurt. It's fucking real to me. A chance to say vows, to promise and pledge to one another … I thought that was what this was going to be. Clearly I am going overboard and making this too much about me. Ok. I will pare it back.</p>
    <p>"Ianto. Come on, don't be like that" he said, rising and placing Jessie down "I just … the new baby, Lucia and Giles so happy with Alice so happy there … god. Our two asked to go there after school. If it wasn't for Jessie I would have no one!"</p>
    <p>Now that hurt. I couldn't hide my hurt from that as I gaped at him then felt that familiar anger rushing up from my feet. All this time I thought he loved me. Thought we were on the same page. Loving, supporting and above all respecting one another. Now, this close to the wed… sorry party … I find I am not even counted as someone he wants to be with?</p>
    <p>"OK, so ... off you go then. I will have a chance to run the Hoover around" I say as I try to look unfazed by this epic and extremely upsetting event.</p>
    <p>Jack leaves without another word. No kiss goodbye either.</p>
    <p>I sit and think about things. Then I pull over the wedding book and start to tear out pages in order to make it more what he wants. I feel like shit and can't believe I didn't see how unhappy he was with the plans I thought we had made together.</p>
    <p>He's right.</p>
    <p>We don't need a ceremony or anything … already been there, got the t-shirt. Well … he has. So … OK. Party it is.</p>
    <p>I just feel so deflated now.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. AITA?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> – Jack</p><p>I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm tired, cranky and for some reason Ianto can only talk about the wedding all the time. God, I just need to think. Dad is outside with the stinker, throwing a ball. And like a little doggie, Jessie runs and fetches it. Ianto would be appalled if he knew they played this game but I don't care. They both love it.</p><p>Mama comes back from the kitchen with a confused look on her face, settling to stare at me then she says softly "I got a dress ya know. A really nice one but… it's for a wedding. Now you are not having a wedding, is it still OK to wear? I mean … if a Garden Party is the same thing?"</p><p>"What?" I am totally confused and blinking at her.</p><p>"Ianto just sent all of us on his Wedding Planning Committee a message saying the wedding is off. You don't want to do it all so formal so we are having a Garden Party to celebrate your union instead. He ws so apologetic, like he'd done something wrong." She explains and I stare at her with confusion "Assured us that if any of us were offended by his Bridezilla ways, to forgive him. I don't understand. He was so looking forward to telling the world how much you mean to him, I mean … I had a speech as Mother of the Jack. Like a joke … I had no idea you two were thinking of pulling out of the promises and rings swapping. I … well. Silly. I know, different world I guess. Pledges and promises are not something you have to do now I suppose."</p><p>"Can I see the message?" I ask with a cold dread in my very bones.</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Hi everyone. Sorry about this last minute change to the proceedings but Jack and I have agreed that I was too crazy in the planning and as such I have reassessed the entire thing. There will be no speeches or exchanging of rings. No need to dress too formally now as we will just have a band, some good food and a good time celebrating our continued marriage. I apologize for going a little 'Bridezilla' on everyone and if I offended or overstepped with anyone please forgive me. It will be the same day, same place but not a wedding. Silly, when we are already married. Love Ianto</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>I read it twice, the confusion bleeding away to horror as I saw the pain in his words. Oh no. Oh no ... our first real outward declaration as a coupe and I shat all over it didn't I. Oh god … he took my words literally and ran with it.</p><p>"Well? Gonna sit there gaping or are you going home to sort this out? That poor boy was so looking forward to wearing your ring, doing the whole speech thing. I do not understand what happened to change his mind like that. I mean … the little bride's maids dresses for the girls … is young David still a best man?" Mama demanded "I mean … seriously Jackson. This reeks of one of your headache snots."</p><p>I nod and gather my child, heading home to find Ianto's car not there. Great. I also find that the lid on the garbage can is not fully on, lifting it to find some of the wedding stuff in there. Oh no. Oh shit. I pull out what I can and carry it back inside, Jessie off in his own little world already with the toys in the corner. He has cleaned the place, it's immaculate. The Wedding Planner is under the coffee table and I open it to find most of it torn out. I go through the pages from the trash and try to piece it back together, feeling like a first class arsehole.</p><p>Then I hear his car and I rise to greet him, his entrance full of bluster and fluffing as I take the bags from him "Cariad. Hey. Just went and got some streamers and things for the party. Thought the kids might like to decorate the back yard instead of my stuffy ideas. Silly really … all those candles. Jessie would be trying got blow them out all the time anyway right?"</p><p>He is trying to embrace my shitstorm not looking at me as he starts pulling out bright coloured decorations that look sweet but I know are not his kinda thing. I recognize them. They are some of the things my mother had suggested and he had politely worked around getting. Great. Mama will be pleased at least.</p><p>"I was thinking, instead of something silly like a visitor register we just put a book and coloured pens for people to write what they want. Like, their good wishes and things. Yes? Or not?" he pauses, the silver book in his hands and then he seems to deflate "Not. OK. Silly idea. Ok. We don't have to."</p><p>"Ianto" I say softly "Tiger… stop."</p><p>He sits heavily in the chair and I feel like a first class bastard as I wit and reach for his hands "Ianto… I have been fighting with Gray and I haven't been sleeping. It's a big review going on at work and I am stressed. I took it out on you, I am sorry. Look … I do still want the wedding part. I want rings and speeches. I do sweetie. I just… I just got pissy. Sorry. Come on … How about we go through everything and see what works. OK?"</p><p>He nods and we sit at the table to start re-planning everything.</p><p>I don't know what came over me and I don't want to EVER see him that hurt again. What the hell was that? How could I be such an arsehole when he did nothing wrong. He didn't want to do vows? Declare love? Had I pushed him too far with my arseholery?</p><p>Could he be getting cold feet?</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. trying to claw it back</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>- Ianto</p><p>"So … cold feet?" Owen asks as he takes a biscuit from the plate I am setting down on the table and I feel my heart sink. Oh god. Really? He thinks Jack might have…. I pushed too hard. I did, didn't I? I sit heavily as Owen shoves a second biscuit into his mouth, humming happily as he adds through a spray of crumbs "bit late coz it's been a while!"</p><p>"I thought everything was going so well. Jessie and the kids and … I dropped the ball, didn't' I" I ask him, my only friend who tells me when I am being a dickhead.</p><p>"What? Look … you tend to focus on the end goal. Jack… well. He seems to be all about the ride. Ya know? Maybe … maybe let him have some more of the odd jobs and trust him, don't smother and oversee things … it might all go better" Owen shrugs and I sit back to drum my fingers on the table. He's right. Of course. I am a worrier. Must grate.</p><p>"I will try that, thanks Buddy" I smile as Owen snags a handful of biscuits and rises, his cue to go. As he roars off down the street on his motorbike I find myself staring at the spot it had been parked. My brain whirring as I go over past discussions and plans, seeing that putting the book back together at the table was something Jack felt was an accomplishment.</p><p>Jack returned soon after with kids all yelling and laughter, Alice with them which makes me smile. Jack leans in to kiss my forehead "Ali wants to spend the night since it's a mufti day tomorrow for tomorrow being Friday and is coming tomorrow after school for the weekend anyway. I get the feeling there is a little bit of jealousy over Giles fussing on the baby."</p><p>"Really?" my focus shifts to something I do know how to handle, David wanting to take Mica back to the hospital when she was teething and demand another one.</p><p>"You just missed Owen. He and I had a few words about the party" I said and Jack grunted making a face. "What? I called it the wrong thing?"</p><p>"Wedding" he said softly as he took a biscuit and sniffed at it "Still a wedding."</p><p>"OK. Well … I've not booked a band yet, wondered if that was something you might like to do? Something you and Gray can do together?" I said as nonchalantly as I can and I watch his face as he considers and lights up with glee. Yes. He is happy about that. Owen is right, give him some of the chores and step back a bit "Also … the bar. I've not organized anyone for serving … is there maybe a hire place that includes staff? I don't know."</p><p>I do know. Of course I know. I did Rhiannon's wedding and Giles and Lucia's right?</p><p>"I can do that" he perks up even more "So … a wedding, right?"</p><p>"I think Owen is right. I am far too serious about something that is supposed to be a fun day. Sorry Cariad, let's redo this. Let's have some fun. It's a celebration after all, right?" I try for levity and I think I finally got it right as he rises, clapping his hands as he tells me he is calling Gray now to start talking about music and DJs. Apparently he wanted to be a DJ as one of his no-hoper jobs he did a few times and grew bored with and has all the gear his parents shelled out thousands for in a lock-up somewhere. Why am I not surprised?</p><p>I know this is something I still have to work at. The desire to please everyone sometimes makes me a bit nuts and now as I watch him pacing outside on the lawn, hands flying and animated as he laughs and conversates with his brother I see that including Gray as family too was also important to him but he was hesitant to because of me. Right? Damn.</p><p>"Tadda?"</p><p>"Jessie my love" I lift the little man up and cuddle him, kissing those shiny little cheeks then pausing as I smell Jack's aftershave… like… a lot. "What did you do?"</p><p>"Daddy's pong!" he tells me with glee, holding out his arms and I can now see the faint staining of his shirt and sleeves. Oh god… he sprayed himself like it was some sort of bloody antiseptic spray. Well … maybe it is. Alcohol seems to be the base.</p><p>"Wow" I tell him softly "Daddy might get jealous if you smell as good as him when you look soooo much better."</p><p>The little boy swaggers off to pong out his older siblings while Jack roars with mirth outside and soon the laughing screams from the bedroom tells me Jessie got the girls at least.</p><p>I just have to find the glee again too.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. epiphany</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> – Jack</p><p>The wedding is the only thing anyone seems to want to talk about and I am about done with the entire thing. It's making things strained with Ianto and I am making wrong moves every time I try to talk to him about it. I mean … I don't even know what is wrong here. Why am I being a prick? Is there something subconsciously wrong with me that I can't see? I am trying but … I keep being an arsehole.</p><p>I find the house quiet and Ianto waiting for me as I get home, the usual evening noise not there.</p><p>"The kids are all at Lucia's tonight, Jessie too. Giles got his mum to fly in for a week or so to help out and the kids are a buffer so Lucia doesn't kill him for it" Ianto is saying as he takes my coat "go sit down. The meal is almost ready."</p><p>"Smells Good" I call as I walk to the dining area and find the table set for an intimate meal for two. Candles, rich red tablecloth and my favorite red wine already breathing to one side. Ahhhhh. Great. I feel something shift as I see an evening of some intimacy. God, with all that's been happening we've not had some sexy time for… shit. A month or more? Is that what I need? Maybe it is. I am a spilt shit and maybe it's a little … jealousy? To my shame I think it is. I am needy. God.</p><p>"Right, here we are" Ianto says as he settles and we start to eat. The food it sublime, as always and now I feel like a king of the castle, his calm smile and soft voice soothing as I feel something settle deep down, then he slips from the chair and I wonder if he saw a mark on the carpet or something. God, middle of the meal and he wants to scrub at a …. He's in his pocket. What's he…. OHHHHHHHHH</p><p>"Jack. I forgot an important part and it's the one I always dreamed I would have. Also, you are my love and I should have remembered that small fact you are also a little girly and want to be not only my king… but my queen. Looking in the wardrobe today for your favorite shirt that needed mending … I looked at those pretty frocks of yours and … well … So. Here we go. I have loved the bones of you since we first met, wanted to lick you as I recall. We fell in love, got married… well … sort of the other way around but… you know. Jack. Let's do this right. Will you marry me?"</p><p>He's holding a ring. Sweet, cute little engagement ring, complete with bling in it. I know I am flapping my hands but really … I have never felt so…so… girly!</p><p>"Yes" I finally manager to choke out, slipping that ring slip home and damn…. It fits. Like Cinderella's slipper it was made for me and I preen as I hold my hand out in the candlelight. This is it. What was missing. My god, I missed it. I was feeling wrong because we missed steps and… seriously between me and you… I wanna be the wife. I am the one who wants the bling, the flowers … to be called pretty. So damned high maintenance as I need stoking for my little girl inside me. Oh my god, even if I couldn't suite see it.. he finally did.</p><p>We finish the meal and I can't stop admiring my hand. Feels silly and funny and so awesome all at the same time. I can't want to flash it at Mama, can't want to show the girls. Oh my god… I am such a diva.</p><p>Ianto seems to know it was all done right as I struggle to keep my bum in the seat, wanting to take photos and send, paste on face book and do such crowing. It is so pretty. "So … where did you get it?"</p><p>Ianto shrugs and keeps dinking his Irish coffee, then he softly says "actually. It ws me mam's. I had it remade for you. Rhiannon doesn't eve know I have it, had it hidden all these years. Wanted it to go to the one of my dreams. Lisa never saw it either. For some reason ... it never felt right."</p><p>There!</p><p>
  <strong>Lisa never saw it either.</strong>
</p><p>Now I don't need to crow, to show anyone. Those four words, five little words mean more to me than anything else. Ianto has given me something he didn't even consider giving the woman he thought he would spend the rest of his life with. I have won … something I didn't know I was competing for. I guess I was … in my mind ... deep down I was worried that he compared. Does he do that too? Worry when I kiss Lucia's cheek? Do I make him ever doubt me? God. I never even thought about it.</p><p>I am a selfish bitch, aren't I? Me. Me. Me. God, so much of my mother in me. I am conflicted for a moment but then I lift my hand to the candlelight again. I got proposed to. A ring slipped on my finger that was a family heirloom and I got to say that I waned it.</p><p>I am such a bitch.</p><p>A diva.</p><p>Ianto settled nest to me on the sofa with some chocolate and I find myself turning to kiss him. Sexy time coming as naturally as breathing and I must admit, I did look at my hand while we lay there sweaty and post coitus.</p><p>And if you are wondering … yeah. I was the girl ALLLL the way. My handsome, sweet, sexy, thankless, thoughtful man … SIGH.</p><p>I had no idea that I even wanted this until it was done, there and so damned final.</p><p>Yeah.</p><p>It's real now.</p><p>He knows me so well.</p><p>Ianto does really love me and want to be with me for the rest of our lives.</p><p>I am so damned insecure to need this and feel ashamed of myself for preening so much but… it's prefect now.</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. who would'a thunk it?</h2></a>
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    <p>– Ianto</p>
    <p>I had no idea.</p>
    <p>Jack is acting like the cat that got the canary. I had never thought I would use the ring, thought it would go to Mini one day. I hid it from Rhiannon from the moment I got it from the effects bag the councilor left on the desk while she was supposed to be making me and Rhiannon feel better about losing our parents overnight. Blood still on it. Mama dead and Da … well. A murderer. Her murderer. That ring had gone into my pocket so fucking fast even Rhiannon hadn't noticed.</p>
    <p>I kept it all these years tied up in a little pouch around my neck that I used to call my magic spell bag. Then as I grew older it went into my sock drawer, shoved in the back in a bag full of other weird things I felt I needed to survive. Amongst them was a little sheriff's badge from our cowboy and Indians days… the most telling thing was when I opened the bag to see if I even really had the ring or just imagined it, was the jumping jack. I had sat staring at it for the longest time along with the badge before I started to laugh to myself.</p>
    <p>A bag of spells. My wish bag maybe? Did I not get my sheriff who is a jumping Jack flash whom the ring seemed perfect for, just needed resizing? How the hell … now I know why things were going wrong after they had all been going so right.</p>
    <p>I needed to propose.</p>
    <p>Deep down I always knew I would.</p>
    <p>I as one of those things I dreamed about and with Lisa I almost came to … almost did. I came so close, thought it would be me and her against the world until that happened. Jessie happened. I watch my little boy and wonder if my life would have been so food had I stayed with her. The fact that ring never left that little bag in the entire time I was with her, I never once considered that ring for her tells the answer to that question I guess. Right?</p>
    <p>She and I were never really gonna make it. She was another test. So many tests to see if I have resole. Stamina. Righteousness. And I get my reward.</p>
    <p>My family.</p>
    <p>My life.</p>
    <p>Jack.</p>
    <p>I sit and watch him as he crows to his mother and flashes the ring, his face full of joy and her usual snark going as he tells her it is Heirloom. Ah. The magic word. Suddenly she is gushing as well, noting how dainty it looks on his hand as Jack happily tells her the band he wants to slide up to protect and snugly fit around it.</p>
    <p>Oh.</p>
    <p>I hadn't thought of that. Bands … I thought they would match but now I think about it… it makes sense that his would be more fitting. Befitting. Girly.</p>
    <p>I feel better too, seems like the weight has lifted and whatever the fog was looming over us had dissipated, making Jack giddy with excitement for the big day. Gray even excited to learn that he can be the DJ. God. Not sure how to deal with that if he's stink but … I will try to be supportive. He's trying.</p>
    <p>I have everything ready now, I feel a little girly meself as I check the lists again and again, still feeling like I missed something or overlooked something but it all seems to look just right. I am excited to let Lucia do the floral side of it, something that she is so happy I gave to her and I know the girls will all look so sweet. She will make them all a little crown of flowers … and one for Toshiko who is my Matron of Honor. I would have had Lucia but we talked it over and agreed it was too hard with the baby and not fair on her when she is still so tired and breastfeeding. Making her my Family Spokesman, something Toshiko and I agreed with her, was a great idea. It means both of them can give speeches, not like I have a mother or father to give one for me is there?</p>
    <p>For our honeymoon we are going to the Country Home. We will spend out first night there, and then the next afternoon the kids will come with Luce and Giles. I mean … we don't need a real honeymoon. Like Jack says … we take it where we can get it.</p>
    <p>And truly … those kids are my life.</p>
    <p>I am so glad Jack sees this too.</p>
  </div>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. lace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> – Jack</p><p>Things were looking great. Instead of our back yard like we had initially thought, we instead hired out the local Boy Scout hall that was used for meetings and special occasions. The number of guests kept changing as Ianto gave in to my mother's requests… insert here the word DEMAND… for some of her crony friends and that aunt and three cousins I have never even bloody met. Because Ianto has no family really… he is keen to embrace mine. I hope they don't hurt him or I will leave them all behind in the mud. I swear to me.</p><p>Anyway… This means that when the kids start to wilt they can go home with someone and be separate from things. I get the idea that Ianto will want to be home before midnight and this means the party can continue without us.</p><p>Yes, I will not stay here and party on without him.</p><p>Between you and me… I have my outfits all picked out including one for 'leaving' that is spectacular! Ianto saw it and laughed, telling me that he thought it would look great on me with my pert arse. Feels good to know he is on board, likes my arse and has no concerns about my choices for our wedding.</p><p>I am still flashing my ring about like a real diva, can't seem to stop. Lucia was pleased for me, telling me that I have never looked so happy. I asked her if that was OK and she laughed, telling me that it was fine. We are different people to who we were when we got together.</p><p>Ianto is currently over by the spot where we are getting married, outside in the garden area. He has potted colour all over the place and some really sweet flowering vines that he trained over an archway. It must have been a real bugbear to get from our back yard to the venue but he wanted it and had done this thinking we would be wed there at home ya see. Giles is in charge of the backdrop and there is a discussion about the lights he is currently trying to tangle around the trees behind the area. His argument is that at night it will all light up with the fairy lights. Ianto's argument is that during the day it looks like shit. Yes, he actually said that. Giles was as shocked as me, looking at him with wide eyes as he screwed his nose up at Gray.</p><p>Giles seems to have stalled out at Ianto's uncommonly coarse judgment and I find myself speaking "So why not hang some pretty white Chantilly lace in front? During the day we can't see the lights and at night the lace will all light up?"</p><p>Ianto turns to stare at me and I wonder if I was really stupid, then he smiles "Cariad. Brilliant. I LOVE Chantilly lace."</p><p>Whew. Now I feel confident as I get out my phone and start looking for material stores where we can possibly get some, now starting to sweat a bit as I have no idea if it is hard to get.</p><p>"Go to the mall and find a table cloth, get the largest size for an eight seater. It will cover it and be hemmed already" Lucia whispers in my ear and I feel giddy now as the idea of getting one with maybe roses around it or something is even better than just some from a bolt of the stuff.</p><p>"Going shopping love" I call out excitedly and Ianto waves at me as Jessie squeals, throwing down the toys he has in the corner to run at me with arms up. He is so damned bored. Don't blame him. We are not taking any notice of him and he has been so good. "Taking the stink!"</p><p>Again Ianto waves distractedly, looking at the three books laid out by the celebrant. One as to be held for the photos as the woman marries us and clearly this is annoying for Ianto who had no idea you have to choose which bloody book she would read from. Maybe … oh right. I don't think Rhiannon and Gray had one. Had a stupid scroll thing like it was medieval times. God, Ianto must have hated it when she decided that. I know he will choose the dark leather. I like that, so does he and he is simply being polite as she gushes over the white with gold bits hanging down. He hates brocade.</p><p>The mall is busy but so are we and with Jessie on my shoulders I duck through doorways with ease as he waved enthusiastically at everyone. I am deep in the tablecloths, several out of packaging as the poor woman tries not to growl when I finally remember I had the child with me and the leash is a little… loose.</p><p>"Jessie?" I said as I pulled on the leash attached to my wrist, the horror of finding it not only loose but actually empty on the other end. "Oh my god. My son has escaped!"</p><p>This leads to a panicked search of the store, the man on the door telling me no child has exited, even with someone in tow. Finally, I find my little boy hiding under the table I had been at the entire time, totally unaware that his wristlet had come undone as he played happily with a little cotton reel.</p><p>Jesus wept! Ianto would have killed me.</p><p>I would have died a thousand deaths and really… I was almost going to kill the little shit.</p><p>So cute sitting there rolling the reel back and forth like a little kitty patting it back and forth. So sweet.</p><p>"Let's not tell Taddy" I hiss as I purchase all three unpackaged tablecloths, sure Ianto will not mind.</p><p>Oh the horror.</p><p>Not this close to the big day tomorrow… please!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. And ... it's a party</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>– <strong>Ianto</strong></p><p>Here we go. The kids are ready, I saw to them first and Lucia has hold of them with Giles who has their little one on in his arms like a shield to keep people away. Lucia is in the prettiest fuchsia and it really suits her. The girls are both in matching candy floss pink and white dresses along with their rose crowns and perfectly little puffed out skirts. Little powder puff fairies dancing for us. Awwww. Jack is out in one of the other back rooms getting ready. We arrive together and now he is changing. I just hope it's not a bridal gown. He might, I would find it funny but feel his family might not. He is cheeky enough to do it just to piss them off but to my delight he whispered softly as he left me that the suit is my favourite colour on him.</p><p>So he's wearing blue.</p><p>I am glad because he's not seen me yet. I am wearing a deep red with some gold accents that I know he will love. He's never seen me in the full block of colour but I know this particular shade in a shirt I wore once (Said shirt did not survive his teeth) that he will definitely be excited.</p><p>I had thought of wearing white, or a pale ivory or something but I feel that it would be too … bridey. Ya now? If anyone would think of being a bride here, I want it to be Jack. He is the one that is carrying flowers for Godsake. I know. Seriously, he says they are Mimi's and he is carrying them for her so she can carry a basket of … newsflash… flowers. Mind you … I don't care. He can wear a fucking crown of roses for all I care.</p><p>Toshiko disappeared for a moment or two and I was starting to get worried but I know she won't let me down.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>
  <strong>-Toshiko</strong>
</p><p>I don't believe it. We are less than ten minutes away from the vows and main ceremony and here she comes with some older man powering along with her on his arm like they are some fucking English Gentry or something.</p><p>Nope!</p><p>Not today Rhiannon you bitch! Owen sees them at the same time and moves to intercept from the left as I reach out and hook her wrap around skirt. White of course. She is in all white the bitch, something I had expected of Jack's mother. Not Ianto's sister but there ya go. When you are a bitch of the highest order apparently you don't care. A flowing white blouse and white wrap around skirt. Bitch even as like a little crown or tiara thing in her hair. What. The. Fuck?</p><p>I don't have to do much except pull the bow then let go as the skirt flutters around her feet and she finally stops walking, yanking the man's arm with horror "Da! Me skirt!"</p><p>What? Hell no. HEEEEEEEEEELLLL no. Now I am beyond mad as I realize this stupid bitch brought their father here. Today of all days … at least now we know where she has been hiding the fucking … god. I have never been a potty mouth before, look what she does to me.</p><p>"Rhiannon" I finally say, "Come this way and get fixed up"</p><p>She follows me as her father slowly follows by Owen and I motion to Owen to wake the fuck up. He moves to help the man along and we soon have them in the back storeroom full of sports equipment, Rhiannon is fiddling with her skirt as Owen leads the man in and we both step out.</p><p>As I swing the door shut on them and Owen reaches up to employ the large bolt at the top of the door they can only gape at me with slowly dawning horror.</p><p>"Gotcha" Owen sniggers then says "Come on love. Show time!"</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>
  <em>..</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Jack</strong>
</p><p>I don't know what is going on and I don't care. I look FABULOUSSSSSSSSSS. My arse is pert, my waist small and my god I know my legs are brilliant. I preen as I pose for myself and Owen enters, cursing softly as he looks at me "Christ. Heels? Holy shit… are those trousers split like a skirt or something? Wow. OK. That's … so you."</p><p>"We ready?" I ask, still pouting and puffing my lips at my reflection for a kiss.</p><p>"OK" David replies as he slides out and I wait for the music.</p><p>My suit is a bright electric blue with sliver thread stitching. Heels and the bell bottoms are just high enough so the sliver toes will pop out and the split up each leg to the waist means these freshly waxed pins will show with each stride.</p><p>I know Ianto will laugh.</p><p>I feel so pretty.</p><p>I know I am.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>
  <strong>-Ianto</strong>
</p><p>The suit is smart, the overall look tight and I just hope the two of us are colorful. Like two tropical flowers or something. I don't know why I thought that. Maybe the bright yellow Toshiko is in makes me hope our photos are blazingly colorful.</p><p>Toshiko looks a little flushed as she pops her head in and gives me a thumbs up.</p><p>A thumbs up.</p><p>What?</p><p>I decide to let that go, take a deep breath and exit the room to wait for my lover to walk up the aisle to me.</p><p>Yeah... that's how he wants it.</p><p>I told him it was OK. After all … I would wait forever for him.</p><p>I have waited my whole life.</p><p>Showtime.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. All of us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>-Ianto.</p><p>I am waiting here like some sort of monkey at the zoo, everyone staring at me. Is it the suit? I think it's the suit. It's Jack's favorite colour on me so… I will go with it. After all, this is all about us right? Our big day. I just want him to be happy and I know I am fair bursting with glee meself.</p><p>David is motoring up the aisle, the girls getting into position to 'waft' up after him … whatever that means. David looks so prim in his white tux. Funny… he is the one in white but that is what he wanted and today everyone can get whatever the fuck they want. I know I am. I am getting Jack … again. SNIGGER</p><p>OK.</p><p>David stands so tall, I am so proud that I can't help myself as I whisper that he looks dapper. And so slim in that cut. His smile widens as he turns to nod to the girls who begin their weird dance of glee, flower petals flying about… wait. They are both flower girls? OK. Whatever. Again … lets go.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>-David</p><p>I feel weird in white but it looked so cool at the shop. Dad said I can wear whatever I want. It is fun shopping with him, totally different to Tad's calm examinations. With Dad it's balls to the wall shrieking and yanking at things. So much fun.</p><p>Tad looks so cool. The suit is popping and his hair is done into a peak like a rooster's comb. I know Dad will want to snog him straight away. Feels weird to look at them when they do that but I do hope one day someone looks at me like that.</p><p>Dad said I looked great, Tad says I look slim. Do I? I feel great.</p><p>This is such a great day.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>-Mimi</p><p>I am dancing, I am wafting I am super! I got pink petals with my pink dress, Ali got white with her little white dress. Her dress has pink on the bottom like it was dipped in it and it sort of soaked it up, like mine has white on the bottom. I know we look super cool and it's so much fin. AND we have little crowns too. Hers is pink roses, mine white ones. Our hair is all done and it took ages but I know I look pretty cute, everyone is taking photos.</p><p>Daddy says to pop the hip!</p><p>Pop!</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>-Alice</p><p>I am so lucky. This is so much fun and we look cute. Mummy has a dress sort of like ours but it's a sort of… purply pinkish with silver glittery stuff around the bottom of it so when she walks it all moves and glitters. Her shoes are silver too. I think Daddy has silver in his outfit, even if Taddy Ianto has gold. Aunty Toshiko has gold on her outfit. So yellow… like a banana. Funny, she sez she is allergic to bananas. Can you really be?</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>-Jessie</p><p>When will Uncle Owen let go of me, I wanna go to Taddy. Maybe if I bite him … I have some teeth now… I want Taddy!</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>-Jack</p><p>I am making my entrance.</p><p>OH MY GOD IANTO! He looks… oh man… how can I behave when he looks like that? Wow. Everyone looks so bright and colourful, like we wanted. Said so on the invites, dress brightly. Wow. Even Mom is in a pretty peppermint I have never seen before, Gray is in a bloody Hawaiian shirt but Ianto won't care. He sees me.</p><p>I pop my hip.</p><p>I know I look good. Ianto looks so damned fine and now he is giving me that look that is a fake scold but really it means he is amused by me. I love that one. I walk down the aisle of flower petals, the deep red flowers in my grasp amazingly similar to his suit… cheeky monkey had that worked out didn't he. The photos will look so … what is that fucking thumping? Sounds like someone is hammering somewhere and it is so distracting. Ianto smiles as Toshiko motions for Gray to turn the music up a bit. She can hear it too?</p><p>Then Owen yelps and my little man is loose, running ahead of me up the aisle as Ianto laughs and he reaches out his arms to both of us. Yeah. I like that. Our little man in his powder blue suit has reached his Taddy and is now on a hip as I reach them both, not giving a jot for the ceremony as we embrace and kiss. We are already married after all so it's not like it's bad luck right? Not when we have been so blessed.</p><p>I don't want to let him go, my arms around him, our little one between us and his eyes so hypnotic. He smells great and is so warm, so solid under my palms.</p><p>Someone clears their throat.. Probably Mom. I step back and Lucia appears to grab the hoodlum back.</p><p>We are ready for our vows as I see Toshiko disappear out a side door.</p><p>The banging stops.</p><p>OK.</p><p>Sorted.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. taking out the rubbish</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>-Owen</p><p>I am pissed. Beyond pissed as I follow me missus back to the back room where she stops and fumbles with her little clutch. A cute little gold thing I got her one anniversary and I didn't' even know she liked. Not really into handbags. Now she drops it on the table and steps back, "release them!"</p><p>God, she made me shiver with her tone as I slide the bolt back and Rhiannon falls into the light, her father behind her.</p><p>Toshiko lets them have the full on can of mace. What… where the fuck did she get that? Standing with her feet apart, the mace held like she is shooting them in the face… it looks so surreal and I hear the clicking behind me, turning to find one of the photographers eagerly catching the scene.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>I move quickly to snag both interlopers by their necks and shoving them out into the bright light of the back garden where they stumble and start making noises. Thank god they were silent with shock inside. Jesus, it stinks. I step away from them and cough a bit, my own eyes watering just from being in their atmosphere.</p><p>Toshiko storms past me and slams a bottle of milk down in the flow bed "There. That will get you going to the shop down on the other road. Fuck off and go get more or it will sting worse!"</p><p>"You heard her" I manage to choke out "piss off."</p><p>They start to stagger down the path, Rhiannon struggling with her father over that bottle of milk when the door bangs behind us and I turn to find Gray there. He looks at us, then the other two and something in his face changes. Then he is running for the side of the building and before I can register what he is doingd and he picke dup a garden hose.</p><p>Water won't help her. Is he really about to try and help the bitch? Seriously?</p><p>He turns on the water, the water coming out as a wide spray and he turns it on his ex-wife and her father with open malice.</p><p>"Get out!" he roars "Get out!"</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>-Jack</p><p>Something is happening, I don't know what but Gray left in a hurry and now my Dad is calmly sliding out of the end seat to follow. I hope to hell it isn't the cake. I had SPECIFIC things I wanted with that bloody cake. Ianto doesn't care, his gaze on me making me feel a million dollars, his hand in mine so warm and firm.</p><p>"I wanted you from the moment I saw you by the floral display. I wanted to smell you to see if you were as yummy. I know now… you are yummier." I say, the tittering of those around us egging me on to finish my vows "I wanted you that day. Got you too. Not, today we reaffirm our commitment to the betterment and the joining of our families. Today, I get to tell the world that this man may have crashed into my life… but I sure as hell fell first."</p><p>Ianto liked it, the soft smile and the laugher around us as he takes his breath for his own vows makes me want to kiss him so much, I am so glad those rings we chose I that little jewelers store together fit so well, mine slipping up against the sweet engagement ring.</p><p>I can see an eternity one someday maybe… maybe that fine can curve around the engagement one as well, a three set. God. I am SUCH A DIVA!</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>-Ianto</p><p>I did crash. Hard. Cost me a lovely little car. I would have given a limb. Right.</p><p>"Jack. You are a tall glass of pretty" I begin and he lights up "You smell divine too and I can honestly say, licking you is fun too."</p><p>The place erupts with laugher as Jack jiggles on the spot and I laugh softly then add "and I know I will never be full. I will crave you for the rest of my life. Today, I simply put my ring on your finger and accept that you are my addiction."</p><p>The applause is great and I let Jack pull me in for our kiss.</p><p>Wonderful</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>-Franklin</p><p>I see why my son is doing and am momentarily confused, then it all makes sense as the woman starts to howl. Rhiannon. I start towards her and then the man reaches for her and I hear her snap "Stop pawing at me Da!"</p><p>Da.</p><p>I am unaware of moving but I feel the connection as my fist meets his jaw. I know who this is. Jack has told me quietly as we walk the gardens. He had wept for the things Ianto had confided in him, needing to tell someone of the pain. The sorrow in that sweet man's past. It helped me see how much they love one another. How much my son needed him as much as he needs to protect him. Now I must protect him too. He is my son now too.</p><p>I pull back and take a moment to see the reaction of his pain and then swing again, this time catching him in the side of the head and he falls back over the low stone wall of the garden, flopping onto the sidewalk.</p><p>"GET THE FUCK OUT!" I roar, not caring if I am being ride. These two deserve nothing from me. He who hurt his child, she who hurt mine.</p><p>Gray drops the hose and looks at me with shock then says softly "Wow. Go Dad!"</p><p>Then I remember she is his pain too. This bitch, the reason things are so bad in my little boy's life. This bitch that may have given the happiness to my oldest son in the form of her brother, but shit on everything else.</p><p>I shove her too.</p><p>So what.</p><p>It's a wedding, no riffraff!</p><p>"Come on" Owen says as he pats my arm "Let's go inside. They are almost done."</p><p>We enter just in time for the kiss.</p><p>Ianto dips Jack.</p><p>My son lets his leg fly out, the pant leg flapping back to reveal legs his mother would die for.</p><p>What an exhibitionist.</p><p>I am so proud of both my sons today. Well … all three of them. Ianto can be my boy too.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Ianto smells a problem</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> –Ianto</p><p>"Gwen?" I smile as she enters the reception, looking around with interest. "In Uniform? I thought you couldn't make is and Rhys is long-hauling?"</p><p>"Sorry pet. I'm working. There was a disturbance out back, just making sure everything is good in here" she smiled.</p><p>"Oh, we are grand. Come on… we are about to cut the cake. Come … get a piece" I gush, I know Jack will be happy to see her. They have worked together and he speaks of her fondly. Apparently she had a thing for him and he just didn't feel it. A bit of a broken heart there, maybe if she sees him with me now she will understand that Rhys was the right one for her. "I hear you are getting wed too?"</p><p>"Rhys. Yes. A brilliant dress Mama helped me pick. Maybe you can give me a few pointers, Mama is getting …. pushy" she grins as we walk over and Jack sees her. As I thought, he lights up and hugs her enthusiastically. Also glad to see her. She checks on the kids and comments on how happy they look. I know they don't know why she is here but the way both of the kids smile at her comforts me as it seems they really do not hate ALL Heddlu. Thank god they don't associate uniforms with their parents. Although… Jack rarely wears his. Maybe they see him and realize Heddlu are human beings.</p><p>We cut the cake. It is a white extravaganza with the flowers cascading down the side bright colours to match us. Tropical blooms all made of sugar paste, some sweet little glittery stars flicked about… it is a lovely cake and when we cut into it there is a rainbow inside.</p><p>Awwww.</p><p>Gwen accepts a piece from me and steps back, her partner Andy something… steps up. I feel the spidey senses tingling, then remember "Andy Davison!"</p><p>"Hey Toto."</p><p>"My god, you …. Look at you." I am amazed, a childhood friend is here, one I lost touch with when we finished high school. Here. At my wedding. Gwen's partner … It seem so … destined. He takes a piece of cake and they wander into the throng of people, Estelle in the distance dancing with Jessie in her arms.</p><p>It all feels perfect.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>-Jack</p><p>Gwen. God, the only thing that could possibly go wrong would have been his sister turning up, so I thought. But Gwen? My resident stalker? Only … she seems happy and Ianto is gentle with her. As she steps away she smiles at him and I see that he had somehow won her over. Maybe this rumour of her finally marrying is real?</p><p>I feel like a movie star, the photos so much fun even as Ianto slips out all the time, hating the entire thing. He is only doing it for me. I see my Dad and Gray in conversation, a hug shared and I am glad they are on good terms too. Things are still a bit tense at times but I see mended fences now.</p><p>We step onto the dance floor for our first dance and as we do Ianto leans in, kissing my neck in that spot he does. I feel so gooey and really want to drag him off for a good shag. God, we will both be so tired tonight. Good thing our marriage is already consummated… lots. Snigger.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>-Toshiko</p><p>I am dancing with my man. Everything seems to have worked out for the best. Gwen tells me that they arrested the father, apparently he has not been seeing his parole officer like he should and she kicked up so much they arrested her for breaching the peace. Of course, slapping Andy means it went up to assaulting an officer. Hopefully both of them will be out of circulation for a while.</p><p>Still.</p><p>If they think they can come around here for another go … they can think again.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>-Ianto</p><p>My sister was here. I can see Toshiko's determination and that little shiny backbone shoeing through her dress as she glances at the door every now and then. Also... the ever so faint smell of pepper spray lingers around her when I kissed her on the cheek. Gwen is here for back-up. I know it deep I my gut … My sister was here.</p><p>Rhiannon came, tried something and could have ruined everything. I don't know what happened and seriously I don't care. It was taken care of. Toshiko did her duty as a friend and I just hope Rhiannon doesn't pull someone else into her schemes. She usually likes a side-kick. Someone who is believing her crap and along for moral support of her imagined deserved payback. She must have some man with her.</p><p>I know I have to ask, I have to know. It will drive me mad until I know but not now. Right now I am dancing with my husband and the warm arms around me as I feel our bodies move in sync… that is all I need right now.</p><p>But I know it was her.</p><p>Will she never leave me alone?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. when can we move on</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>–Ianto</p><p>"Mummy gets mad sometimes. But she doesn't mean it. She always sez sorry and if we had a bloody nose or mouth she lets us have sweets" Mica told the woman with those large expressive blue eyes, her hair now long enough to plait on the short side in large French plaits so it looks more even. Mica loves her hair like this and I don't mind sitting there for the twenty minutes it takes to do it every morning. I place little jeweled slides in so it shimmers.</p><p>"And do you love your Uncle?" the woman asked and I saw the flash of confusion on Mica's face.</p><p>"She calls me Taddy. She is confused" I whisper softly under my breath so the woman can hear and she turns to look at me, then turns back to Mica, "so… you love your Taddy?"</p><p>"Yes!" Mica lit up "He never hurts us and he has yelled and growled and gnashed his teeth at her like a big bear protecting us. One time he even picked Mama up and carried her out of the house. She was so mad she was hitting him and his head bled a bit. Taddy didn't hit her back though. You don't hit girls. Taddy sez so."</p><p>The child psychologist leaned back and I know she was reassessing what she thought she knew coming here today. I also know she will leave with the same conclusion as all the others. I am not concerned are uncomfortable with her in my home. Jessie is awake, toddling into the room with his sleep-time pull-ups sagging, rubbing his eyes and he heads for Mica who get on her knees to cuddle and croon like a lovely little mama.</p><p>"come on saggy britches, fresh pants I think, this potty training thing is sooo hard with you" I scoop him up, kissing her on the head as I leave the room, not worried to leave them alone for a moment or two. I return with an awake snot and a laughing daughter.</p><p>"No, that was Da. Mama and Da did that. She was mean though … she said Da didn't love us and didn't want us. She said he was gonna give us to an orphanage and stuff. David and me know Taddy would not let that happen. When she yelled and smacked and thumped… we ran here. Taddy saved us. Now we don't ever have to go back to the scary place with no food and no 'lecky. Taddy is not going to let her take us away and hurt us ever again!"</p><p>I settled back with mild alarm as I hoped the subject could change soon. She was getting upset and I don't want bad dreams tonight. "Mimi. Maybe the nice lady wants to see your school reports? Hmmmm? The book of comments from the teachers?"</p><p>Mimi lights up, racing for her bedroom and I take the moment to scold "Stop upsetting her with old thing please. That part of her life… she still has nightmares of her mother coming after her. She and David both. Thank God since the adoption went through he has stopped wetting his bed. Please, can you end this with some positivity for her? She responds to that more."</p><p>Mimi entered the room with her hands full of things "I paint too. Taddy sez I am good, Daddy sez I could be famous one day. He has my picture in his office at work. My Daddy is a Special Forces Officer. A Captain!"</p><p>Her pride showed as she puffed her chest out "He teaches other officers how to be Special Forces too. Like… hostages and bombs and things. He's so clever even the Queen has met him."</p><p>"Rather, he has met the Queen" I laugh "We put it that way because she is more important love."</p><p>"Not to me" she said absently as she sorted out her things "here are my reports things. But this is my favorite. Missis Heggerty wrote that I am a Minx of the highest order. I know what a Minx is. Taddy says I am a silly one sometimes. I am Micha the Mimi Minx."</p><p>She roared with mirth at her on joke then turned to pick up Jessie and swing him around the room.</p><p>"Mica. Maybe later, he has to have his medicine now" I said softly, the children both slumping as they heard the little cough monster needed to break up that chest of rattling doom. "Come on ya little devil."</p><p>"Awwww….it's yucky!" he moaned, "Why me? I didn't want it to be me. I want ice cream!"</p><p>"Tell you what. Behave for me, have the strawberry flavored drink that you know helps your rattling and maybe when we go to get David from his sleepover we can stop at Maccas for a cream freeze?"</p><p>Cue excited kids again.</p><p>"David is on his first sleepover at a school friend's. a big step, he only sleeps here, the holiday house or at Jack's ex-partner's place. We all co-parent Alice, Jack's daughter too. The kids all love one another and Lucia loves babysitting for us on and then, we replay the favor now they have a baby of their own." I explained "takes a village and all that."</p><p>"So … they now have two siblings and…"</p><p>"No. No, it's not like that. David and Mica know me and Jack adopted them as well as Jessie there. All here are siblings, Alice is also their sister. The new baby… well … they all call him their little brother. So … all siblings in their mind, the two groups of adults are their big parental family. I am Taddy, my husband is Daddy. Lucia is Mummy and her husband Giles is called Gilly these days by the kids for some reason I can't understand but he accepts it." I explain "They know this is their family now. Weird, wonderful and full of love. Always a lap or a cuddle. Or an ear. I wish Rhiannon and me had this growing up, somewhere to belong. We would have turned out differently, for certain. I never want my kids to feel that level of despair, loss or well … invisibility I guess. That was the big one for me. Being a no one. Rhiannon made herself someone with noise, lies and scheming. I am not built like that. I like the quiet life. Just me and my family."</p><p>She smiled and nodded, rising to leave as she assured me that the children were doing well and she was pleased with their progress. Also, the counselling for Mica could stop if I saw fit, David not ready yet. I agreed. Maybe counselling a little longer. Especially Davie. My poor boy was older, saw more and still woke sometimes to the sound of a slap that never happened.</p><p>I hate her for that.</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. photos</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>– Jack</p><p>David loved his sleepover. It all went good and I can see Ianto's face as it echoes my own relief there. Once upon a time he would never have slept away overnight. No wetting the bed. He greatest achievement, whispered to me as I hug him "I didn't pee."</p><p>I knew what he meant and hugged him tighter "I am so proud of you, well done son."</p><p>Ianto had a parcel in his hand, an envelope that he placed on the table "And I got the first stills back from the photographer to check over and choose our final pictures for our album."</p><p>OK, cue diva squealing as Mica and I rush to see, flapping our hands. Alice is more refined, rolling her eyes as she clambered into a chair and Ianto started flicking them onto the table for us to see as he liked some and dismissed some out of hand. Then he pauses and I slide around to see what is wrong. I feel it. Like.. someone did something or he sees something he didn't want…. No. really? What. The. Actual. Fuck.</p><p>I take the shot of Ianto's sister and find Ianto has taken a deep breath and is now white knuckling the back of the chair with his other hand, staring at the next photo in his hand like it has Freddy Krueger in it. "babe?"</p><p>"Me Da" he chokes out, handing it to me and I look at the old man who is … arguing with my father? Holy shit. Ianto makes a noise and hands me the next shot which had my father standing there with his arm extended like he is reaching for something. Then I see feet sticking up on the air from behind a low fence and I know that my father was not reaching… he was punching.</p><p>Ianto snorted "Pow?"</p><p>"wow. Dad thumped him" I say with shock.</p><p>"Way to go Frankie" Ianto matters to himself then starts to laugh as he sees the next one. It's Rhiannon fighting Andy Davison, Gwen approaching with a look of total viciousness with a taser in her hand.</p><p>Good.</p><p>Is it wrong that I like this one that came next? No… NO… this one! Ianto hands me one with them both on the ground, her father trying to get up from his hands and knees as Toshiko brandishes her pepper spray. Just in case.</p><p>Ianto has carefully placed those aside without the kids seeing and I see a few more added, not sure what else the photographer might have caught but seeing Ianto's face I can tell he is not as upset as some might be when alarming madness happened out the back of our wedding.</p><p>Once the kids are off on their little adventures I settle next to him at the table where he is laying out the photos in sequence and I can see that Rhiannon and her Da tried pretty damned hard to get in and ruin things. I hope this didn't ruin things, that this didn't… best just ask "What are you thinking?"</p><p>He snorted as he leaned back to consider his words. He is so careful, wanting me to understand him and it is a nice change to have a partner that takes that time. That also listens to me and my rambling explanations, filtering out the crazy to understand me.</p><p>"I am thinking that your father needs more than a basket of my preserves as a thank you for this" he finally says, the soft smile reassuring as he taps one of the photos "This is my fave. You can see Rhiannon's undies."</p><p>"Toshiko … there is a star for you!" I nodded, tapping one with her in full snarl.</p><p>"I know… look at her go. A good woman like that is hard to find. I guess wreaking Owen gives her an edge." He quipped, giggling along with me at the absurdity of it "I mean… what…I would see them and run with open arms to welcome my mother's killer to my most happiest day?"</p><p>"I am sorry love. This could have spoiled things for the day, but not for us. A tornado… earthquake... no… a meteor storm would not have stopped me from marrying you!" I say as I stand with my hands on my hips. Ianto calls it my Hero Pose and I know David does it sometimes to be silly. The fact our little stinker has started doing it too had cemented it as a silly thing now and as I had hoped, he laughs.</p><p>"Well… whatever they wanted they didn't get it" he said as he started to scoop up the photos, now smiling softly "They got something they didn't expect, that is for sure. You know…"</p><p>He seemed to have stalled out and I wonder what is wrong, then he turned to me "Do you think we can use these to get an order against her? Like… stalking or something? A protection order?"</p><p>Man, I was so happy to hear that. To hear him finally say that he was ready to make things more defined legally with her. After all, these are OUR kids now and she has no rights. She does not need to come here, we do not need her in our lives. Our temporary orders were due to run out and I had been tying to find a way to raise the issue and here he is… once again reading my mind.</p><p>"I might know a judge" I tell him with a wink, watching him nod his consent to get it done.</p><p>And I will include the Da in things now I know he is sniffing around.</p><p>I will protect and serve my family.</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Band-Aids</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>– Ianto</p><p>"But I thought he was…. OK. So… the order….." I was on the phone with my lawyer while trying to get the kids off to school, Jack no help as he riled them up with tickles and general tomfoolery. Usually I didn't mind but right now I am trying to find out the conditions of my father's parole and how he managed to get to my wedding when he is supposed to be nowhere near me.</p><p>"What?" I misheard right?</p><p>"<em>The judge gave him a curfew and told him to report once a week to his local Heddlu station. Looks like our request for protective order was denied. Seems your sister stood up and said her children are staying with you and it would create disharmony in the family or something if he was denied visiting rights to them because of an order"</em></p><p>"They are MY children and she is banned with an order in place already so … I don't' get how the judge didn't' see this. Are you shitting me?" I hiss around the corner from the living room as Jack now has our youngest screaming form a tummy raspberry.</p><p>"<em>Looks like their lawyer pulled a real Hail Mary here on the kids. Their lawyer is clearly a fucktard with no idea that the kids are no-contact already. Christ, it's a clusterfuck and I am in the process of placing the orders needed with our usual judge right now. Believe me, he will not be amused either. Lucky for us he hates the other judge and would issue us anything to piss her off… what is that noise?"</em></p><p>"My son and my husband cruising for a bruising" I sigh, "They will both fall off the sofa any second and land with a loud….. thump. There. Now we have the tears because it scared him and Jack will now look for me like this was a terrible accident that he…. Yes Cariad. Yes, I know. Fell right? On the phone. ON THE FUCKING PHONE… see? In my hand? It' called a phone. Yes. Well …. Offer him a boiled sweet for my coat pocket. I am almost ready, get them in the car."</p><p>"Three kids, quite the shit-show in the mormings I bet."</p><p>"Yeah. But you know… I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't know how I would even got up in the mornings without them to get up to" I can't help but smile now, "Gotta go. Jack is in the wrong jacket."</p><p>I can see Jack pawing through one to my other jackets and he seems to freeze as I walk towards him, pulling something out and I barely have time to register what it is before his face changes to one of pure horror, yodelling as he flings it away form him.</p><p>David's plastic snake.</p><p>Well … he had the wrong jacket.</p><p>David is in hysterics on the floor as Mica also wants to get away from the snake, running for the sofa and clambering up like it might get her heels as our youngest calmly wanders over and picks it up to examine.</p><p>Cue high pitched screaming and general hysteria.</p><p>Who knew a grown man could react like that. His voice is breaking as his hands flap and he is screaming our son's name like a Mac Truck is bearing down on him. I calmly take the snake and hold it out "Plastic Cariad. David's plastic snake I confiscated last week for whipping it around my head in the car, remember?"</p><p>"Why keep it in your bloody pocket!" Jack demanded now embarrassed "Christ on a Harley!"</p><p>"Why go in my rainy day coat?" I counter as I pull on my normal coat and pull out a boiled sweet for each of them, ending with a red one for the biggest kid in the room. As he sucked his sweet he blares at me.</p><p>"You know, if that had happened in the car I could have killed us all!" Jack grumbled around his sweet as we head out on the school run and now I can see the funny side, even if he can't.</p><p>"Yes… you reach into my pocket all the time while driving" I agree with wide eyes "What carnage might have occurred!"</p><p>Finally we are all in and on our way as jack tapped the wheel, trying to think of a good comeback that I know will not eventuate so when we stop to let out the older two kids I lean over and kiss him as I whisper that he would have saved us all.</p><p>This placates him somewhat as we now make our way to the little preschool and I get out unhooking our beast. This is the hardest part, the usual tears and separation anxiety that will linger until we go back and pick him up on a couple of hours.</p><p>It is important though. Little beast loves other kids and needs to learn to play, share and interact well. He is also so clever, so forward, can already write his name on the bottom of his messy paintings and his favourite time is the water table he can stand and slash at with toys.</p><p>I place his little bag on the hook with his name over it, watching as Jack leads him into the fray of kids, several of such immediately clinging to Jack with glee. It is like ripping off a Band-Aid. You can either slowly extricate yourself and feel that pain of loss or you walk away quickly, don't look back and tell yourself it's going to be OK. The pain and tears will go away with time.</p><p>With him, it's the later so I seize his hand and yank, waving to the kids as I drag him to the vehicle and ignore the hitch in his breath as tears threaten and he looks back more than once as our son doesn't even register that we are gone.</p><p>Rip off that Band-Aid quick people.</p><p>I drive home as Jack composes himself, the loss immense as well as a feeling of guilt for some reason and he looks at the empty car seat in the back, lip wobbling as he asks if I remembered his snack.</p><p>God.</p><p>What will Jack do when he starts school for the entire day? Three hours is like a slow murder.</p><p>Well… I have considered smothering him with a pillow while he sits in the sofa crying and telling me how our son might suffer from the terrible time in that place without us. The horrific accidents that might happen without us to protect him … the feeling of loss so immense. Like we abandoned him to the wolves or something. Big baby.</p><p>We will go back and pick him up at lunchtime, his face shiny with water and happiness. He will talk all the way home about some kid shoving something up his nose or projectile vomiting or something and Jack will tell me as he slips around me from behind to watch me make lunch that he is so glad our son likes pre-school.</p><p>God!</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. what I need</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div>
  <p></p>
  <div class="storycontent nocopy">
    <p> – Jack</p>
    <p>I miss him.</p>
    <p>Since I pared back my work to spend time at home I am finding the time without our little monkey so hard. I was not this bad with Alice. I wasn't. Its different this time. I think… maybe this time I really want to get things right. I want to be a good Daddy. I was too immature last time, not her fault. Mine.</p>
    <p>I know I am annoying Ianto but I can't stop the feeling that I am somehow letting little Jessie is missing me too. My poor little boy, looking around with confusion. At least it's Friday, when we pick him up later so we are going to the holiday house. Then I can bring him back into town in the big car to get the big kids from school, all three of them since Mica invited Alice to come for the weekend.</p>
    <p>I am so pleased the girls are friends, not just sisters. They cling to one another with glee and giggle, falling about like I remember doing as a little boy with my friends. Mica does not seem to need friends but Alice does. I sometimes think Mica is the first honest friend she has ever had, their affection for one another sweet.</p>
    <p>Ianto is packing the back of the SUV so while I am back in town getting the kids he is fussing about getting the place tided, warm and adding that special thing he does that makes you feel like you are coming home, wherever it is. Him. He is that special thing I think. His smile as he comes around the doorframe from the kitchen with a frilly apron over his trousers, his shirt slaves rolled up so I can see the hairs on his arms. God, he is so fit!</p>
    <p>"Cariad?" Ianto is speaking to me "Are you OK? You look like you are having a stroke!"</p>
    <p>"Just thinking about those little apple pasties you made last time we were there, remember the kids ate them cold in their hands while running about?" I say quickly to cover my horn dog ways but the look he gives me makes me think maybe he sees through that.</p>
    <p>"Well… I was not going to take some puff pastry. Hmmmm. I will have to check me stewed apples in the freezer, we will only need an ice-cream container full to make enough for the weekend and your midnight raids." He mutters as he strops off to the panty to stare into the huge freezer at his preserves and frozen fruit and such he has for the apocalypse or something.</p>
    <p>Knowing I am now assured the image of him in the kitchen, I start to get the BBQ stuff organised because Giles and me want to cook over the campfire when they come to stay Saturday night. I also want to see about some fishing don in the river so I start hunting for my fishing rod.</p>
    <p>"Cariad?" Ianto is clearly seeing me digging about making a mess and is warning me of this. Shit. I did pull a lot out.</p>
    <p>"I can't find my rod. I wanna go fishing" I mutter, puling at things and getting increasingly frustrated. Now I've made a mess I have to clean up and no rod!</p>
    <p>"You left it at your parents, your father had it last. Why not go buy a new kit, get a smaller one for David. He might like fishing, he seems to like the peaceful things that do not include mad mares screaming and racing about. You and him can go fishing, take the dog… maybe a little picnic. Maybe Saturday morning you will have things sorted and catch something to cook over that fire when Giles and Lucia get here?" Ianto says with such patience and ..well… sense. My rod is a bit old… also… David would like fishing. He would like the time alone with me to talk about things too. He only really talks with me when we are getting firewood or shopping alone. Fishing. Yes.</p>
    <p>"Shoot in to the shops in the Austin Martin" he says as he pulls the keys from the hook "It needs a run."</p>
    <p>I am now excited beyond belief. The Austin Martin is Ianto's pet car. The one he got to replace the one he crashed the day we met. She is mint, sweet and he usually drives. He gives me the piece of paper off the pad on the fridge door as well and I am now man in a mission as I go hunting cheese, wine and…oh. Bangers for the fire pit. Yes!</p>
    <p>Part of me knows he is getting rid of me to continue packing with me out of his hair but at the same time he could have done this himself. He is letting me do it, trusting me with shopping. Something sacred.</p>
    <p>This is how he tells me he loves me.</p>
    <p>Trusting me in a supermarket un-chaperoned where anything might fall into the trolley.</p>
    <p>Cheese. We will need crackers, some of those pickled onions… maybe crisps? The kids would like crisps?</p>
    <p>Ianto waves as I pull out, books in his hand and I know he is looking forward to reading in the shade of the old pear tree while the girls play on the grass. Right. I have a new ride on mower waiting for me. I can mow as soon as we get there, before we get the kids. Yes. Jessie can watch from the safety of the veranda with the kiddie gates pocked, waving as I sweep past each turn.</p>
    <p>He will need those little twirly chips I likes to eat while he watches.</p>
    <p>I add them to my list.</p>
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  <p> </p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. unwelcome visitors</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> – Ianto</p><p>We are barely at the preschool and Jack is out of the vehicle running, calling our son's name like we just paid the ransom and the kidnappers left us instructions of where to find our son before his air runs out.</p><p>He returns triumphant with a child under his arm, a little school bag in the other hand as our son yells and struggles with annoyance as clearly he was in the middle of something.</p><p>"Little shit, climbed a tree" Jack panted as he slammed our son into the car seat and the dog woofs softly in welcome. Ah. The dog. Jessie stops arguing as he holds out his hand for a good licking, my darling husband not noticing at first then suddenly wildly aware of it as the dog switches to the jam covered face.</p><p>"SHELBY!" Jack screams as he finally notices "EWWWWWW YUCK YUCK YUCK!"</p><p>I now turn to watch jack struggling in the pocket of the seat. "Cariad?"</p><p>"Wipes."</p><p>"The other seat" I say calmly, wanting as our son gets washed down with malice. The dog is satisfied she got the worst of the food off her pup and is now settled to look out the window again, uninterested with the mad man continuing to mutter in the doorway. She rolled her eyes to look at him out the corner of one like he is insane and she is afraid a sudden move might set him off.</p><p>"Typical Sheltie!" Jack says as he clambers back into the passenger seat then swings to check our son did not somehow get out and run down the road buck naked or something "look at her. Like it never happened."</p><p>"Well, she is sure you are overreacting Cariad" I assure him, amused now as he frowns and grunts.</p><p>"Estelle OK with the cats?"</p><p>"Yes, they are all over there already. She has the open fire lit so they will not miss us at all, probably will not want to come home Sunday night when we get back" I assure him. "Myfanwy had her special chair."</p><p>Jack smiles fondly as I mention that mad cat that thinks it is a dog. She is getting old and no longer wants the car rides and chaos. The other kitties love Estelle as much as we do.</p><p>"So… where are we going now Tadda?" Jack asked in a weird voice.</p><p>"To the Holiday House?" I ask in a silly voice as well.</p><p>Our little one had forgotten we were going today and instantly forgets he is annoyed, arms waving with delight.</p><p>I know I can't hide my smile any more.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>An excited Jack wants to go into the little township and get some 'extras' for the fire pit. Clearly nothing is needed so, let's just ignore him as he and the stink take off.</p><p>I have put everything away and have started the fixings for the roast leg of lamb when I hear the door opening and I am confused. "Cariad? Did you forget something?"</p><p>I step out into the main room and a strange couple are standing in the middle of the room looking at me with open horror, keys in their hands. The woman finally speaks "What are you doing in our house?"</p><p>"Excuse me?" I ask slowly "No… this is <em>my </em>house."</p><p>"Now you listen here! This is our house and what the hell makes you think you can come in here and act like …." The man is trying to intimidate me as he stanches up to me, chest out and puffing cheeks but his wife cuts his off mid rant.</p><p>"SQUATTER! OH MY GOD, A SQUATTER!" she screams, "CALL THE POLICE A SQUATTER IN OUR HOUSE!"</p><p>Now I am pissed "Excuse me, how about you fuck off!"</p><p>"SQUATTERS!" she is now screaming down her phone, trying to give the address but keeps getting the numbers wrong so I call them out helpfully, her mouth going, her double chins going and finally the man seems to take a step back.</p><p>Then he swings.</p><p>"For fucksake, cut that out or I will have to put you on your arse for Godsake!" I roar.</p><p>"Oh gee willakers, taking the Lord's name in vain. How dare you, you will burn in hell for that" she warns me with a long nailed finger wagging at me "You know he is watching you."</p><p>"Another Pervert watching me when I take a shit then" I nod sagely "I heard he likes to watch. So does Santa."</p><p>She blinks, clearly confused. Maybe the conversation is too …what's the word… academic for her?</p><p>"Santa is not real!" the man said to me.</p><p>"Why not? I ain't never met god but a met a fair few Santas" I shoot back "Of course, if there is a god he might not want to know a sodomite. My husband and I do not go to church."</p><p>Her shriek is all I need to know to know I have a way to gain the upper hand that does not involve violence "You know, my husband likes to take god's name in vain too. Or… maybe he is thanking him. You know… when I give him a blow job he cries out "God… oh god… yes… god… .yes… yes… god… oh god…"</p><p>As I speak she starts to back cp, her hands fluttering around her head with horror and he rushes to cover her ears for her like she is a small child. I start to enjoy it so I put a little more… oomph… into it as I make thrusting pelvic movements at her while crying lustily for God.</p><p>They have backed right outside now and I calmly lock the door, wave thought the glass and go back to my kitchen as they stand on the porch with their mouths open.</p><p>Fuckwits!</p>
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<a name="section0024"><h2>24. paperwork</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>– Jack</p><p>I return to find a police car in my driveway right where I want to park and Jessie is screaming to get out, excited to see the car. He has learnt to not only respect the vehicles, but adore them. He loves the siren.</p><p>"Hi there" I call as I release the child who runs to stand and stare at the car. A real car lover this one. I now know I have to take him to work more often, let him at the Tactical SWAT vehicle … bet he loves that one "Can I help you?"</p><p>"Sir? Is this your house?"</p><p>"Yes" I confirm as I place my hands on my hips, "Can I help you?"</p><p>"Sir. There is a man inside that claims to be the owner. This couple here claims they are the owners and now you say you are the owner" the male Heddlu officer explains with open confusion "This can't be right."</p><p>"I am Capt. Jack Harkens" I flick my badge and watch them change their stance "And the man inside is my husband. This property has been in his family for three generations. This is defiantly his house. Our house."</p><p>"And that couple?" he points to the middle aged couple who seem almost hysterical. God, what did Ianto do? Don't tell me this is his father's work!</p><p>"Never seen them before, no idea what they want. Hope they are not those bible bashers that go around knocking in doors. Ianto put the hose on the last lot. Pagan ya see" I grimace and then add "What did they say?"</p><p>"Shit. They say they purchased the place from the previous owner and now… what."</p><p>"The previous owner was Ianto's Grandfather who left it to Ianto when he died. Ianto will never sell, he is the one in there probably doing the preparation for the evening meal so when we get back from getting the other kids from school we can do some activities."</p><p>"We clearly have an impasse. If they claim to be the owners, and so do you... who can prove it? They have papers of sale, they have proof of ownership" the cop was clearly between a rock and a hard place so I sighed as I looked at the poor man and laid it out as easily as I can.</p><p>"My thoughts? They have been had. Someone sold them London bridge. Get it?" I say softly.</p><p>Finally Ianto exits the house as he can see out son "Cariad. Beast on the bonnet!"</p><p>Shit. I run to pull to son off the police car that he is now clambering up like a little monkey on acid. "Jessie, no!"</p><p>Ianto lets the Heddlu approach and I hear them ask to enter, then the coupe rush for the door and I run with my son to slip past and in, slaming it on them as they reach it.</p><p>Ianto is showing them the paperwork as well as photos, other things in the house that proves we live here. "Clearly, this is… hang on. Can I see their paperwork again?"</p><p>Ianto is scrutinising something as I bribe…er… settle our son with a chocky ice.</p><p>"OK. She kept yelling the number at the phone, she clearly yelled the number at you, as she did at me. Look at the number on the top of the address and then take a moment to consider the fact that this is number 13." Ianto hands the paper over and waits as the officer stares at it then he hands it to his partners as he says softly "That is number 31 listed. That stupid mare out there can't bloody read, when I told her the number for this place she must have known she misread the paperwork and instead of apologizing she doubled down. Now.. I want them gone and trespassed. That woman is pushig my pots of colour off the deck and smashing them!""</p><p>"Right" the woman Heddlu said softly as she looked out and saw the woman was indeed kicking the little flower pots off into space with anger "I have had enough of this shit!"</p><p>"Thank you, I said that quite some time back now" Ianto nodded and I watch as the two Heddlu adjust their uniforms before storming out.</p><p>"Can you believe that shit?" Ianto is angrily slamming things about.</p><p>"Shit" Jessie agrees and Ianto freezes, the horror on his face as our little parrot latches onto a neat word. "Shit Dadda! Shit. Can you beweeve da shit?"</p><p>Finally Ianto starts to laugh. Softly at first as his shoulders shake and then we are both in hysterics as he tried to tell me between giggles that the man tried to hit him.</p><p>OK.</p><p>Am outside before I realize it, storming towards the man who is still arguing with the officers "Oi Telly Tubby… you tried to punch my husband? In our own house?"</p><p>Who knew a fat man could run, his wife left standing there with the papers that blow from her hands to waft into the sky as she screams at him to get his arse back here.</p><p>"ARSE!" a little voice says from the porch "DADDY ARSE SHIT! Ya beweeve da SHITTA ARSE?"</p><p>I am laughing now, tears rolling down my cheeks as I grip my knees and the two officers are not much better as they cling to one another in matching hysterics.</p><p>finally the woman runs after her husband and I am left to ask if someone can call a tow truck or something.</p><p>I still need to park the car.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. bitter truths</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>– Ianto</p><p>"I should have locked the door behind me when I left, sorry love. I gave them a clear entry point" Jack is still angry and now blaming himself for this. I can't have that. It is true, I have scolded him consistently for not locking the door behind himself but 'as we are way out here' he argues all the time that there is no need.</p><p>I need to say I told you so… right? No. No I don't. I need to change the subject, I need to make him feel better about this. One of us should.</p><p>" thought you didn't know" I said softly as I stirred the soup.</p><p>"About this being yours all along? Your father taking it from you illegally as you were still a child, selling off bits here and there… the trust fund he went through … yeah. You forget who I am sweetie? Yeah. My hatred of your father goes deep. Fucking deep. That man has cost you not only your childhood, a normal upbringing and the love of a good parental unit … he also blew through hundreds of thousands of dollars, sold property illegally and left you in the gutter when he couldn't get any more." Jack huffs "I want to shoot him on the head!"</p><p>I don't know what to say, the things I never speak about, the horrible dark and nasty things that live deep in the depth of my heart… to hear him say it all with such spite, such open hatred somehow… it makes me feel … god. I have never felt so loved.</p><p>"I hate him" I finally say, then go back to the soup.</p><p>"You know… there are four other properties that legally are still yours." He points out.</p><p>"And the people in them are all good people with no idea that they purchased stolen property… literally." I sigh and turn to him "I do not begrudge them. All those families are good people, kids that grew up on those houses, lives that are bettered. I know it sounds silly but… those four houses had real families in them. Families I could never have been a part of. To think of the love and happiness in those houses… it makes me feel better. I let go of them a long time ago. I will not fight them, I would not take their homes from them and there is no way my deadbeat father could ever pay back the money he has cost me over my lifetime."</p><p>Jack looks over at our little man and waves a hand in exasperation "Your own child. Your own… sweetheart. How can a man do that? Be like that?"</p><p>"Something in him is broke, or never grew… I don't know" I really don't. My mother was so wonderful, he was not and Rhiannon inherited his ways like she was cut from his flesh. That I was my mother's son was one of my most comforting things, and the man who sits seething as he tries to think of ways to avenge me.</p><p>Avenge me.</p><p>Just need a little cape ya know? My Captain Wonderful.</p><p>I feel the urge and act on it, taking his face in my hands in a rare display of affection in the middle of the day, kissing him as I revel in his hands sliding around my hips to pull me closer. "I don't need anything else Cariad… you are my wealth. You and the kids … no money in the world is enough."</p><p>"I want to stomp him, pummel… god. Our son's aggression comes from me. Doesn't it" he says with his eyes still unfocused, "I love you so much Tiger."</p><p>"I know… love is a strange and wonderful agony right?" I whisper, taking another kiss. "Now… go get the other kids, take the monkey and distract him with that horrible Barbie song you both like, he might forget some words he just learned along the way."</p><p>As hoped, he laughs, rising to hug me and I feel that warmth all around me, his hand squeezing my arse as he buries his face in my neck.</p><p>Who knew love could feel like this.</p><p>Once he is gone I can fuss about and adjust things. I move form picture frame to picture frame, moving them slightly until they look as they did before the Heddlu picked some up to look at. strangely unsettling to think of someone looking at my babies. I know it is silly but… my anger is still thrumming and I really did think this was my father again, I really thought he and Rhiannon had done another little game with me and even though they did not, another rare occasion that I can not blame them for, my hatred burns.</p><p>I love my sister.</p><p>I hate my sister.</p><p>Knowing this is a pain as well.</p><p>I feel the deep burn and swallow it down, then walk out back to the tree down the back yard that has the wonky treehouse, picking up the baseball bat one of the neighborhood kids left as they come and play in this yard when we aren't here.</p><p>I start bashing that tree, imagining it to be my father. I bash and I bash. I know my arms will suffer later but right now, I lengthen my stance put my back into it and swing form the hip taking an immeasurable pleasure in the sound of it hitting the wood.</p><p>I hate.</p><p>A taste that is foul in my mouth and so foreign to the taste of my beloved.</p><p>I hate my father.</p><p>And I love the life he will NEVER be a part of.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. a time to soothe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>– Jack</p><p>I need to buy another baseball bat.</p><p>This is my first thought as I stand in the back yard holding the battered remains, staring at the tree with the vivid scaring on the trunk's bark. Ianto beat the SHIT out of it. Christ, this man has a swing on him!</p><p>He is inside right now like nothing is wrong, helping the kids change out of their uniforms and get ready for some fun. The laughter and fake positivity so raw. God, I want to hold him, keep him safe … shoot someone.</p><p>I know it's his father on his mind. This entire thing has bought up old pains that have made his old scars open and leak all over the place. He loves this place, has good memories here… I don't want any of THAT MAN here, even if it is just a ghost in the corner of Ianto's' eye. THAT MAN has no right to even occupy a speck of dust in Ianto's world.</p><p>I turn and look through the window and he is standing there staring back out at me. His face devoid of expression that tells me he is internally thinking about something and I smile, undoing my shirt and flicking it to reveal a nipple, and then close it again. I watch his face soften, the smile start as he shakes his head in a silent scold, so now I flip the shirt right down and turn to look over my shoulder, a striptease in the middle of the afternoon for him as finally that boom of laughter is heard in the kitchen.</p><p>I will do anything and everything to help lighten his load right now.</p><p>I know he would for me.</p><p>"Dadda?" a little voice says then I turn to see sweet little Jessie at the back door eagerly removing his clothes as he thinks this is a game. What can I do? I shrug at Ianto whose eyes have widened as he sees our child too, and our little boy stomps over to do a striptease as well and now Ianto is almost in tears with mirth as I create a monster. As per usual.</p><p>I know this is my fault.</p><p>He knows this is my fault.</p><p>THAT MAN is not here anymore.</p><p>Finally the kids are out in the yard and they see me and the baby half naked and take the next natural thought into action, David grabbing the hose and starting to spray us as he decided it's a water game we are getting ready for.</p><p>Believe it or not… that bloody water was cold.</p><p>I scream like a bloody girl's blouse, the shock making me dance from the water as they all laugh, my own laughter along with the cold water taking my breath away.</p><p>Not that my son cares, his arms out as he screams and runs with glee, David chasing him as the girls find the water guns in the outside cabinet. Ianto watches with delight as we act like godless heathen scummers and I know when he finally steps away it is to fetch towels and scold from the doorway, yelping and running as the girls aim into the house for him to scold through his laughter about the water on the floor.</p><p>It is later, in the darkness of our bed that he sighs that deep shuddering one that lets his heart release some of the pain. I hate THAT MAN and I am surprised to find the mother of our two older children is also becoming THAT WOMAN in my mind too. As much as I love Davie and Mimi… I find Ianto in them all the time, his softness that comes from his mother. Rhiannon is her Daddy's little girl and as far as I am concerned, they can both get eaten by a fucking monster in the woods while running for their lives or something. Hopefully shitting themselves with fear at the end. Yeah. I like that image!</p><p>I tell Ianto that for a bedtime story. I described her tits wobbling, his old balls slapping against his leg and I feel Ianto's body shaking with amusement as he listens. I tell him his father has a girly scream and Rhiannon's is far too deep to be natural. Oh how he giggled. Finally we make love, me making the monster noises as I tell him I would rather eat him anyway and when he is finally asleep in my arms I feel that real monster I have deep in my gut finally stop grinding it's teeth.</p><p>They might think I am a fool. They might think I am just a nice law abiding kinda guy but… deep down there is another me that is not so kind, not so forgiving and as my old mate John Hart might tell you… a side that can hurt people too.</p><p>My entire world is right here and I know I need to do more to ensure it's survival. Without it… without him I know I will not survive.</p>
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<a name="section0027"><h2>27. honesty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> – Ianto</p><p>I am still a little shaken after yesterday's fiasco and I hope for a quieter day as Jack takes the kids into town to get some supplies for an afternoon picnic. David does not want to go fishing today, no doubt sensing my unease and wanting to comfort me. He is so intuitive, reminds me of myself at his age and I know I must nurture him.</p><p>Mimi on the other hand is so forward and brassy, she had more fun with Jack and his rough play. I don't mind, she and Alice cling to him with glee, as does Jessie which gives David the space he needs to be with me.</p><p>"Tad?"</p><p>"Yes love?"</p><p>"Were you scared? Yesterday with the strangers in the house. Were you scared?" he asks.</p><p>I settle to look at him as I reply "Yes. We all get scared love. There are different sort of scared too. Angry scared. Confused scared. Sad scared then the worst one of all, knowing scared."</p><p>"Knowing scared?"</p><p>"Yeah, that's the scared you feel when you know deep down something bad is happening and you can't' do a dammed thing about it. Like watching a dog get hit by a car or someone fall off a cliff and you are too far away. That sort is so deep in your bones … the worst because it is the hardest to shake off." I explain "We all feel that one and it is the worst. Inevitability."</p><p>David nods.</p><p>I know what he is thinking of and I reach out to pat his leg "Like someone hurting someone and you are not big enough or strong enough to defend them. I watched my Da beat my Mama and I tried, he just beat me too. I still tried, knowing I would get hurt but hoping that he would take out some of the strength of it on me so hers would not be as powerful. That fear as I stood waiting for those blows… yeah. You know that one too but you protected your sister where you could right? From your Mama."</p><p>David again nods silently, looking at his feet and I reach out to place a finger under his chin, lifting his head so we are eye to eye "David. You and I are the same. Look at me. Know that when you are grownup and an adult you will be like me. Strong, loved and capable of loving fiercely. The scars are there sure, we can't help that but inside, in the part that matters where we keep those special things safe… you and I are the same. We have a power nothing can break. One day your children will hug you and love you and you will NEVER hurt them. You will be righteous. I know this. I love you son. I love you to the moon and back, and all the black parts in-between. For like the night sky, we have sooo much black inside us. Those little pinpricks of light, those brightly shining stars are the happy things we keep and their light can make us see the way even in the darkness. You get it? Love. Love hard. Jack? He is a brightly shining full moon that lights my darkness as if daytime. No room for shadows, for demons or bad things to lurk. Jack … well. Saves me. One day you will know that love, I am sure of it. You will be righteous!"</p><p>David leans into me and I embrace him, whispering my love as I hate my sister deep down in my heart for I know she also must have recognised me in this child. Probably why she targeted him and made Mimi her little princess. I wish I had known, had seen back then but I know now. I can't turn back time but I can do the right thing now. I am righteous too.</p><p>How can I ever forgive that? The worst sin is to harm your own child.</p><p>Jack returns with the girls and an overly zealous Jessie … and as the first drops of rain start I find a tent being erected in the large room with the kids dragging bedding about with glee. I could scold for the mess they are creating, I could try to make the chaos more controlled but instead I go in the kitchen and get an old pot, filling it with the orange and red cellophane left over from the crafts box and return with their 'camp fire' and a rousing cheer as David laughs.</p><p>I watch my boy shake off our conversation much as I shake off things for the betterment of the family.</p><p>I love my boy.</p><p>Jack's little doppelganger to look at but damn … he is soooo me.</p><p>I hope my father rots in hell and my sister is his caregiver. I hope they fall into a deep ravine and must eat one another to survive a little longer before wolves the size of Buicks slide down the sides to devour them. God, Jack and his monster stories. I try not to grin too much as I watch him being a monster with the kids, stomping around outside the tent making silly noises and poking at it as they scream with fake terror inside.</p><p>But like my heart… that tent is titanium.</p><p>It was built up by Jack.</p>
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<a name="section0028"><h2>28. fat bottomed girls</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>– Jack</p><p>Ianto has been attentive to David all day and it only just occurs to me that David might be feeling a little 'off' after the altercation with those entitled twats yesterday. Sure, the kids did not see everything but they heard us talking and that one is so much like Ianto for internalising things.</p><p>I check the girls are totally engrossed in their little game in the tent with a sleepy Jessie snoozing in Ianto's lap on the sofa before I follow the young man into his room where he is looking for a book. Yeah, a book.</p><p>"Davie?"</p><p>He turns to me with surprise, and a smile that tells me he is happy I am taking a moment for him. Such a nice boy, never complains ya know?</p><p>"Hey son. Just checking in with you. A few things happened and I want to make sure you are OK" I say as I sit in the bed and he sits next to me.</p><p>"It's OK Dad. Tad and I talked about being scared and stuff. We all are sometimes" He says like we are discussing the weather "I just… those people came right in here and they could have hurt Tad or anything."</p><p>"I know. We can't live our lives scared of the next thing though. You know, life happens whether we want it to or not" I pull him close "I know it's easy to let things fly around in your head but you should try to be like me."</p><p>David pulls back to look at me with silent question.</p><p>"Ask Tad. I am totally thoughtless." I deadpan and he blinks then sniggers softly. I hug him some more "I love you Davie Boy. We love you so much and will never let anything happen to you, OK?"</p><p>"Anyone tries to hurt one of us, I know you will save us" he mutters into my chest and I hold him tighter as I know as well as he does that I will kill to save them. In a heartbeat. My kids are my world.</p><p>We go back out to find the girls are standing over Ianto with their play makeup kits. Ianto has fallen asleep and I know he will be more than surprised to find how delicate these beasts were so I complain that it's not fair he get all the attention.</p><p>I then sit and let them do me too, making sure to tell them I want my nails done as well and I see the glee on their faces as I let them paint my nails…. fingers and toes. Of course. Don't be silly, what is the point of just the fingers. I know Ianto will be tickled pink when he sees my talons.</p><p>David shakes his head as he checks Jessie is covered with his blankie and then he kisses Ianto's head so lovingly that I have to stop myself from going over to cuddle him. He is trying to be a big boy. A man. I have to let him as he now pulls a blanket around Ianto as well before going to the kitchen to check the meal preparations.</p><p>Finally the girls are happy and I rise to see if I look like Ianto who has some soft blush and eyeliner on. Nope, I look like a drug crazed drag queen. The morning after. All I can do is laugh as I agree it is their best work yet</p><p>I don't know what Ianto will say so I go change into a silk shirt that I tie in the front in a large knot, then add my tightest jeans to sashay about in as the kids all laugh. I watch Ianto wake to my display of silliness and his face light up, his smile all the cuter for the makeup he is not yet aware of and as the kids find some music on the radio he slips out from under the still sleeping boy.</p><p>We start to dance, his hands sliding over my naked back as he leans in close and whispers that I look crazy.</p><p>"I look crazy? You've not seen your face yet" I reply and he stops dancing to stare at me, and then walks over to a mirror and stares. The girls wait expectantly as I watch him struggle for something to say.</p><p>"Wow" he finally says softly "Not what I expected."</p><p>"Nope" I giggle, "not the man I married either."</p><p>More giggling as we all share a moment of lunacy that drives out the ghost of yesterday, even David joining in as we dance like maniacs around the room to the rock and roll on the radio, Queen's Fat Bottom's Girls making all the kids squeal with glee as I show that I know every single word and dance like Freddie.</p><p>That man was a fucking legend.</p><p>I will dig out my CDs when we get back to the town house, David seems to enjoy the music, maybe he will like to hear some of their other music, maybe find them on YouTube.</p><p>Freddie can teach you a lot about embracing life.</p>
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<a name="section0029"><h2>29. not your average Tiger</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>those of you following me on FF too, sorry about it being a right arse.  I am posting there daily and doing my best but for some reason the site will not accept new stories or new chapters on existing stories and my emails are going ignored.   They have a Facebook page but it's private and they will not accept me so I can complain either.</p><p> </p><p>It sucks.  Sorry, will continue to post there in the hopes it will all show one day.</p>
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    <p> – Ianto</p><p>I have gone to see my cousin. She is happy to see me, life so busy these days and it's only once in a blue moon we seem to see one another. Happily, it's not a funeral for a change. He is enamored with Jessie and they take a moment to stare at one another, Jessie excited to see another person with darker skin than me and Jack.</p><p>Martha grinned and let him touch her face, hair, stare into her eyes then laugh happily as he sees her beauty. I was not here for a social visit though and while she is entertaining my little snot bag along with her sister Tish, I am clambering over the back fence to visit my childhood friend who has lived his entire life behind his cousins with his old father. The two old brothers having purchased homes next to one another so their kids could grow up as close cousins.</p><p>"Idris?"</p><p>He hears me and lights up. Damn, I have been remiss in my socializing. I feel the need to apologize straight away for ignoring him but he just laughs and slaps me on the back "Come on Toto. What brings you to the Dark Side?"</p><p>Smart arse.</p><p>"Actually… I come looking for some …ah… protection" I say with an awkward grimace. He stares at me for a while then calls out to his father.</p><p>"Pops, me and Toto are going downstairs" Idris calls out, motioning for me to follow him down and we head to the basement. He gets out a huge bunch of keys and fiddles with them, and then opens the door to enter.</p><p>I look around with wonder as the walls are lined with guns. Weaponry of all kinds and I am drawn to the knifes down one end. "Wow. Wicked."</p><p>"Bowie knives" Idris agrees "They are wicked keen."</p><p>"For blood maybe" I mutter as he opens the cabinet, then hands one to me. I remember the feel of a knife. Man, another lifetime. Me in the junkyard, the druggie coming from around the busted out vehicle, his breath harsh as he hunted for us, Rhiannon crouched behind me crying softly as she once again admitted that she had chosen the wrong man to rob.</p><p>Yeah.</p><p>Blades like blood.</p><p>I reluctantly place it down and Idris snorts "come on. You know you like it. You are the best as hefting that weigh too. Guns are loud, sometimes there is not room or time to aim … a knife doesn't care about trajectory. You know that as well as I do."</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Right. I little snub nose? Or a nice big…"</p><p>"Webley!" I blurt, "That one. That looks like a doozey."</p><p>Again I have a weapon in my hand and I feel the weight, test it as I roll my wrist, flick it up and back. Nice. "Kick?"</p><p>Ammo is placed in front of me and I soon have the gun ready to go, aiming down the extremely long gun range under the unassuming old house over top, firing at will. Idris laughs softly "Damn Totes. Let me get some earmuffs or something next time."</p><p>"Wouldn't be time for that either Idi. We both know any fight will be hard and dirty." I turn to him and sigh "You know I want that blade."</p><p>"Ankle?"</p><p>"Both? The smaller one and that wicked blade here maybe on my shin of the other leg? This one here maybe to place somewhere within east reach? Under a table or above a door frame or something? I like to be prepared" I turn slowly looking around "Those knuckle dusters… oooo… lookie!"</p><p>Idris laughs now as he takes down the snub nose I am pointing at "I thought you wanted the Webley still in your hand."</p><p>"Oh yes, this too. Shoulder holster for this baby" I grin at him as I turn and wink "This big boy needs room to move."</p><p>"Damn boy… after all this time you are still an evil bastard when you need to be" Idris laughed "You were so quick. A sweet little thing luring in those marks. How many did you and your sister fleece over the years?"</p><p>"Hey… Rhiannon was the one who lured men in and robbed them. I just picked pockets" I defend myself "I picked those rich bastards with label clothes, dripping with Rolexes and gold. I never went for a hard working man. You know I could pick the trust fund bastards."</p><p>"Yeah. True. It was Rhiannon who went after the nearest mark and you wound up defending her" he agrees.</p><p>"Shame she has forgotten that. She was a nasty little girl but I was the viscous one. It seems a lifetime ago, another person almost. I pulled my socks up, got on with my life and am now a stable and one of those who knows to keep my hands on my pockets when in certain parts of town." I remind him.</p><p>"Yeah. She was a viper but you were the dragon that eats snakes for breakfast…." Idris stalls out and I know he has finally caught on, turning to face me "he's back?"</p><p>"Yeah. We both know it's only a matter of time before he makes a play. He almost got me last time, he will not be so lucky this time." I nod "Jack thinks he knows but… he doesn't know it all."</p><p>"Ianto. He wants to kill you for what you did. You know if he can get his hands on you…"</p><p>"That man has no balls. Rhiannon may think she has him under control but even she has forgotten where my nasty streak came from" I agree, the no balls part not an exaggeration.</p><p>I did that.</p><p>Stabbed him in the groin when he killed her, my mama … when he attacked us and it all went to hell I took the blade and struck as had and nastily as I could. I wanted him to die but he didn't. They could not save his testicles though, I had twisted that knife with open malice.</p><p>Yeah.</p><p>I like a blade.</p><p>And I will use one again, this time… I will aim a little higher.</p>
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<a name="section0030"><h2>30. mixed love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>- Jack</p><p>Ianto has come home better. Wherever he went, he has that skip in his step again and he is openly smiling, not pretending. Something has comforted him and I would like to know what… or who but don't want to sound like a jilted lover.</p><p>"Aunty Marta has eyes like me" Jessie tells me with those chocolate drops so wide, staring at me with a little hand on my knee "but her teeth are bigger."</p><p>"Because she's a grownup" Ianto says as he flops into a chair and hooks the child to remove his shoes "Aunty Martha is older than me ya know. By almost two years. Growing up we were more like siblings than cousins. My Granddaddy married again after Grammy died and had more kids, then they had kids… so … Martha is… er… quarter white? I don't know. She is a Jones, that side of the family is cool. Uncle Clive was always just Uncle Clive. I didn't even now there was something weird about it until school and kids asking why me and Martha were both Joneses. Yeah. I have a black family."</p><p>OK. I did NOT know that.</p><p>Hang on.</p><p>"Idris… Idris Jones?" I ask slowly, that man a known kingpin in the underground and I watch Ianto's face change for a second before he places Jessie down and kisses his cheek without answering me. "Ianto? Are you telling me…"</p><p>"Idris is another cousin yes. His father Warren is Clive's brother, my father's step-brother. He is ten year solder than Da. They live side by side, the brothers. Idris, Martha, Tish and me the white weirdo." Ianto nods "Tish is younger. She is… a year younger than me. Sweet girl."</p><p>"Black. You are of a mixed race family" I find myself repeating myself like a stupid git. Then Jessie leans on my knee again.</p><p>"Of course he is. WE are." He tells me like I am thick and all I can do is laugh. Yes, he's right. WE are a mixed race family too. Our little chocolate Button. Cheeky little brat, I scoop him up and growl as I kiss his neck, pretending to chew on it.</p><p>Later I find him in the back garden and I approach "So. Idris Jones is family. He was at the wedding?"</p><p>"The handsome black man who looked like a black James Bond, or one of Bond's arch enemies maybe. Didn't say much, helped the DJ out." Ianto says and I think. Fuck. I thought that was security or something, that man was huge. Built and handsome. Huh. There ya go. Ianto did not hide him, I just hadn't noticed.</p><p>"OK… I remember him now. A nice suit."</p><p>"Yes, he does dress to impress. I wanted to see them when it was not a funeral or something. Like a lot of big disjointed families, we didn't see each other much outside of important things" Ianto reaches up to pluck an apple.</p><p>"Why didn't you go to them? After"</p><p>Ianto turns to me and shrugs "They were not allowed us. Da kicked up and said he didn't want his kids raised Black. Can you believe that? His own half and steps and he said that about them. What a wanker"</p><p>"He should not have had any say after what happened!" I find myself bristling now as I know Ianto is telling the truth. Back then it was all to the satisfaction of the parent, the child's welfare didn't really seem to matter. Why child abuse was so rampant. "So. How are they?"</p><p>"Good. Aunty Francine is feeling her arthritis with the cooler nights bit still spry. Idris' father is the oldest of that wing of the family, he is almost blind now. Idris will not let him go into care though. He will care for him." Ianto settles on a seat and lets his head fall back to let the sun on his face. God, he is so handsome.</p><p>And relaxed.</p><p>"I am glad you had a good time. Jessie certainly can only benefit in seeing different cultures, colours and lifestyles. A well rounded view of the world will make him a well rounded man." I say as I sit next to him "they got kids? Anyone his age?"</p><p>"Martha's big brother has a little toddler. Marcus, hadn't thought about that. Yeah. A little girl. I should check on that, good idea. Three? I should include her more, let Jessie see the kids all joining in."</p><p>I can see that he wants the conversation to be over, wants me to accept it and move on without fussing so I then add "we just need a Ginger to finish off the education of cultural variation."</p><p>Ianto rolls his head to look at me "Red heads are not a different race."</p><p>"No?" I ask with a sniff "They are a weird breed."</p><p>The growl as he attacks me deep, the tickle fest making me squeal tells me he knows full well that I am only joking. My own Granny was a redhead ya know.</p><p>Where my temper comes from.</p><p>A red headed Scott.</p>
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<a name="section0031"><h2>31. the last straw</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>– Ianto</p><p>Well I did NOT expect this. Not only has Jack accepted the 'Black Quarter' he is actually excited for Jessie to have some cultural family. That is how he put it and I tried not to laugh. He is trying hard. Martha came with her siblings and the sweet little dumpling that has Jessie enamoured, touching her frizzy hair with wonder.</p><p>Jack sits and talks to Idris who came as well, I am pleased to see the men like him. Laughter filling the air as the children play. Tish has wet-wipes and reminds me of myself as she scolds for dirty hands. Jack is calm, easy and then he suggests we all go for Maccas as Jessie roars with glee, as does everyone else and I am now wet-wiping EVERYTHING before we sit down.</p><p>Tish helps and Idris asks if I will do the playground as well, gaining laughter as Jack tells him that the wet wipe mania was for us, not the kids. Jack has my back as he says I am happy for my child to gain immunities though germs.</p><p>Even though Jack knows my skin does crawl each time our son goes into the playground, he is sweet to defend me. Once again, I am reminded of how wonderful he is. It is while we are moving towards the vehicles that Jack asks Idris about tar-sealing our driveway to the holiday house as the gravel is a bastard to keep salting in winter.</p><p>Idris nods and agrees, telling Jack a fair price.</p><p>I did not even know Idris had connections that could do that… but Jack does. Part of me thinks Jack did research or something... the other part of me simply tells me Jack knows Idris already… why he knew the name. This was not a sudden interest.</p><p>I am even more satisfied as Jack offers his hand before we leave showing he likes Idris.</p><p>We drive home and I get Jessie sorted as Jack heads to Lucia's to get the older two kids who went to her after school. The tiny little cherub is growing and I find it hard to leave … I want to cuddle for ever… so Jack tries to distance me for short visits. I can never go under half an hour of gushing.</p><p>While he is away I clean. I think about things and I find myself singing softly sometimes too. I am happy. Who knew. I hear the vehicle and put away my things then am surprised by a knock.</p><p>Huh?</p><p>I open the door to find a suspious looking women with a vicious hairdo and matching glare "Mister Ianto Jones?"</p><p>"No" I say with unusual annoyance. Whoever this is, they do not know me at all, do they. I do not answer to that name now… I have evolved. This Harkness-Jones is such a cool guy ya know. I much prefer being him now.</p><p>"Is he here?"</p><p>"No. No one by that name lives here" I say slowly and she turns about to leave before she pauses, turns and asked "So… who are you?"</p><p>"Not that it is any of your business, I am Doctor Ianto Harkness-Jones" I enjoy her face change to confusion and anger.</p><p>"So it IS you."</p><p>"No. You asked for the wrong name. If you are here to sell me something you should at least get me name right!" I cannot be bothered and I start to close the door.</p><p>"I am here on your father's behalf. He wants…"</p><p>I slam the door so hard it is a wonder the entire thing, frame and all, did not fly out of the side of the house to crush her like a bug. I like that image, thinking of one leg stuck out twitching from under the doorframe, her stockings baggy.</p><p>She knocks so I pick up the phone without a care in the world "Gwen? You working today pet? Listen there is some woman here saying she is here on behalf of me Da. …. Yes…. Yes….. yes it is still in effect….. that's right."</p><p>I place down the phone and walk to the window to watch her pound in my door and demand… yeah… DEMAND I let her in. The Heddlu car crawls along slowly as Gwen hangs out the driver's side window watching the woman as she yells loudly that my father need to be heard.</p><p>"OI!" Gen roars, still in the car "What are you doing!"</p><p>"I am here on behalf of Mister Jones' father who wants to see his grandchildren!" the woman said with her hands on her hips. Ianto watches Gwen slide from the vehicle and start to walk towards her, Andy coming from the other side to the vehicle to flank the woman who has no idea that two velociraptors are about the attack.</p><p>"So… you know there is a No Contact Order against him right?" Gwen asked "You do know that any contact either by him or a representative of his is a breach punishable with a possible prison sentence, right?"</p><p>The woman stares as Gwen like she is mad "It's his father!"</p><p>"It's the man who murdered his mother in front of him" Gwen counters "The man who tried to kill him as well."</p><p>The woman lurches back from Gwen, straight into Andy who seizes her and slams her into the bonnet of her own car.</p><p>Different yelling and screaming now as cuffs are employed.</p><p>I am not happy now.</p><p>Will he ever leave us alone? This time… this time I am pressing charges.</p><p>Against all of them!</p>
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<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Time for preparation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div>
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    <p>– Jack</p>
    <p>I am so proud of Ianto I can't put it into words. I just keep looking at him and wanting to squeeze him to death against me in the vain hopes he seeps into my chest to see how my heart beats for him. Listen to me… sappy city. Christ, I had no idea love could make you ache like this. His pain and upset is so raw I am bleeding too.</p>
    <p>I want to help but I don't want to get in the way. It's a nervous and unpleasant thing for both of us as lawyers talk, paperwork flows and the court case draws nearer. They were all served. The idiot Social Worker who should have researched the client better, said client arsehole bastard cunt face…. Ianto's sperm donor. And of course… the woman who brought up together and it seems finds every occasion to remind us that not everyone is built for love.</p>
    <p>Unfortunately the legal system can be an arse. Case in point… bail. Bail with conditions that do not include electronic monitoring like we have petitioned for. Fuck it all.</p>
    <p>Until the matter is done with we are at the Holiday House. I prefer it as Ianto is comforted more with the memoires there. They no doubt know where we are no matter which house we are at. The kids are happy of the break and Ianto is a kind teacher with the school work the school is sending usually done by two with a lovely big lunch period before just the one lesson which is usually something sporty so I can do it. Then it can descend into chaos and he feels he controlled things still. Important that. Control. He feels so little right now that I am trying to give him space to take it back. I also know he is looking to me so in some areas I have taken it for all of us and I see the relief as I talk to those on the phone, I arrange meetings and I say no a lot. Each time he hears me firmly saying we are not taking visitors right now, I see that soft smile for a moment before his nerves kick in again. Limited contact with the outside world, only those who matter.</p>
    <p>Of course… Mama thinks I mean everyone else… rolling up now and then with treats for the kids and plonking herself down to complain about the neighbours hose left running or some shit. Ianto does tend to her with glee, keeping busy a major thing for him and as I watched him fuss this morning it struck me. His mama is gone. Long gone. Mine right here. I watched the way he smiled at her, let her take his hand as she told him about a sale on for handbags in town and realized he was not just enjoying her company…. He was enjoying a Mama. I cannot imagine losing mine. OK she is entitled, opinionated and a narcissist all on her own. I do think she could have been a Rhiannon had my Dad not been such a rigid man who still slaps her down now and then. Gray is like her. Had he been like Dad things might have worked to for him.</p>
    <p>Toshiko is a rare gem and she also has been out with school work for the kids and time for Ianto to fuss on someone new. She sat and nodded, listening to him as he poured out his insecurities, did not judge and told him he is a wonderful Taddy. Thing I tell him all the time but to hear if from someone else always helps.</p>
    <p>Then, the real reason why I chose this house. She has put in the security system that is top notch, Ianto so pleased with it as he walked around looking up at all the cameras with interest. I was not sure if he would be happy, cameras in every room… bar bathroom and our bedrooms… but the doors to said rooms are covered. Also outside covered up the wazoo. Instead he was pleased with it, the bank of screens in the spare room that is now a 'command room' as Ianto is calling it with a cheeky grin, shows the entire property, even in the trees. No one and nothing can approach without it being recorded and when within a certain range we will get a soft ping on our phones and live feed. No alarms, he was strong on that. No alarms, no scaring the kids.</p>
    <p>I agreed to that, he was right. We have try to keep this as normal for them as we cal. Luce and Giles coming at the weekends with their sweetlings so Ianto can have Baby Time while my daughter laments how unfair it is that she can't be here with us. I explain that her mother would be so sad without her. Lucia is again thankful as I defuse things without placing blame for anything. After all, I am lucky I have visitation as I was not the top notch partner for her that I am for him. I know that too. I was an arsehole in my marriage, not really understanding that the love we have was not enough. Not like this. Not like the slow burn Ianto created in my gut that lingers, a kiss renewing those flames of passion. Now… I regret a lot of things.</p>
    <p>But not this. Not this moment, this life. This man.</p>
    <p>OK… the other reason I chose out here is the place is a large open area and easier to defend, easier to see in the dark and less places someone can sneak up. Of the two properties, this one out here is safer right now. I also have some weapons around the place hidden… just in case. Anyone comes near my family and I will defend. I will fucking decimate. Ianto knows this too, not asking about my furtive looks in some cornered or nightly checks once he is in bed as I love guns to a more accessible place if need be in the dark. No, he just holds me in the dark, clings to me.</p>
    <p>The baseball bats by each exit door did make him chuckle though.</p>
    <p>I half pie hope the old prick does try something.</p>
    <p>So I can shoot him.</p>
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<a name="section0033"><h2>33. resolve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> - Ianto</p><p>The lawyer spoke to us in that calming way one does to a spooked horse. I tried to focus and got most of it, Jack leaning forward intently to get everything and I knew if I needed some reassurances later he would be ready. This rock.</p><p>"So, no chance he can get bail?" Jack asked.</p><p>"No. Due to the repeated breaches the Judge has decided he must remain incarcerated until trial which given the speed of the courts will be months." George replied "Everything is monitored in there. Mail, phone calls. He tries to ask someone else to get in touch with you, he will meet the same swift slam."</p><p>"And that silly bitch that came around here?" Jack prodded.</p><p>"As it is out of character for her the Judge seems to be cutting her slack. She is discharged with conditions. No coming near you, seeking some communication within the etiquette of law and if she does something like this again it can affect her job." George nodded "I think she was overly aghast by it all."</p><p>"Which leaves…."</p><p>"Rhiannon is on bail... I know…I know… but as this woman's actions were orchestrated by him not her … her bail remains as it is until the trial for what happened at the wedding. I am sorry but they can't prove anything that connects her to this. Clearly they are lying to keep her out, seems to be a partner of hers to slither out of trouble" George held up his hands "Same conditions. Do not come near you or the kids. Do not breathe the same air. I have looked at the evidence the prosecution has and I can assure you… she is going for a little holiday for this. Mark my words. Maybe six months to a year?"</p><p>"In the meantime she can swan about 'accidentally' bumping into Ianto" Jack snarled, brisling beside me and I reached out to take his hand, calming him instantly.</p><p>"How long before she goes to trial?" I ask and am pleased my voice seems calm. "I mean… he will too but the other things since will be later right? The wedding crashing will go before a judge first."</p><p>"Yes. Two weeks away." Gorge reached out his hands, then placed them back in his lap and I realized that he wanted to comfort me. Go, I must look a wreak. Thought I was holding it together better than this. I manage to smile weakly.</p><p>"We have been staying at the Holiday House, now renamed the Country Estate by the cheeky kids" Jack took over again, his hand squeezing mine reassuringly "So… you can find us there if you need us. Numbers and such … you have all that. You've not been there since we did some work have you. You are welcome to visit, see the kids and check out our wonderful security system. I had to hold back on the bear traps and spike-bottomed bear pits. Ianto wouldn't let me."</p><p>I snort as I did not expect the humour and as always he tickles me in a way I can't explain.</p><p>George relaxes, nodding "I would like that. The kids Ok with the school work?"</p><p>'Are you kidding? Loving it. My husband here is an amazing teacher!" Jack gushes, making me lush as we stand and shake George's hand. His hand lingers over top of mine as the other is clasping my hand strongly.</p><p>George looks into my eyes as he pulls me closer by my hand and he says gently "I will make sure they get the full brunt for their actions Ianto. I will also monitor your father and ensure the prison facilities are too. You are safe from him now."</p><p>He doesn't understand. He thinks he is doing a good job and I guess for someone else it would be but I just smile and nod because I know this is not over. Rhiannon will be pissed, the work she put in to getting her Da bail and now he's banged up with no chance? No… I know my sister.</p><p>She will be wanting blood for this.</p><p>She will be coming.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Jack has let me stew, something he does with furtive glances and tapping of his finger on the steering wheel. Finally he asks "what are you thinking love?"</p><p>"That She will try something. One more push. Everything is cause and effect with her. When she learns of the ruling today, that he cannot get bail like she will be hoping she is going to go supernova. I swear to the gods, she will try something as a payback." I explain "I doesn't matter if it is not my fault, if I did not start this. Tit for tat. She will take a swing at me somehow."</p><p>"And if she does we will be ready. She will have no idea about the security measures in place, no idea how bloody strong we are. Right? You were always just little Ianto, the little brother she threw to the dogs to distract them all the time right? The patsy. You are not that little boy anymore. You are my husband. The man I adore to the very fucking bones of you. No. She has no idea that now the junkyard dogs fear you instead of you cowering in the dirt as they surround you like it once was. No. Dogs can't snap and bite at you now love. You are a mighty fucking tiger with huge teeth, claws and a roar that will make the earth shudder. Let her try. Let her try. Those kids are as safe as houses with us, we are safe in that house and we have no fears. Let her come… you know.. I sort of hope she does. Then she can be with him and we can draw a line under both of them!"</p><p>I like that.</p><p>Yes. A line. A big bold final one. For this is the last time I let her near me and mine. The last time I shall acknowledge her as my kin. Once this is over I will be an orphan that was an only child. My sweet Mama the only parental I ever had and that line will go through the paper down to the bowls of the earth where Satan himself sees it.</p><p>That's the bottom line!</p>
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<a name="section0034"><h2>34. and this is where we are now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>- Jack</p><p>Things settle into a routine, Rhiannon about to go before the court and Ianto's father back in prison… Ianto seems to have got his mojo back. I hope this can continue as my kids feel the lightening of the place.</p><p>We are still at the holiday house… the country estate as the kids have named it, Mimi commenting that all we need now is a horse, with those wild eyes that makes me worry that she might have one on back order on my credit card of something.</p><p>George was here earlier with some last minute things as Ianto nods and glances at me for some support. Owen and Toshiko will come mind the kids, Gwen a good woman with her fella Rhys will be here on their day off too, Ianto feeling more confident knowing there will be some man power in the place. By that I mean Gwen and her gun LOL</p><p>I just hope he can remain calm, a panic attack would not only horrify him but would give them satisfaction. He really wants to be strong, calm and make them feel like they are not worth being upset over.</p><p>Now that I know the connection to the Jones Family on the other side of the tracks, I am digging gently. Clive is a great guy and he had helped me learn more about the family, the photograph of Ianto's mother helps spectacularly. She looks to be roughly the same age he is now, the same eyes and the same smile. Her hair is blonde like Mimi's and I see a lot of her in the little girl now. Her face is full of cheekiness and joy, the hands her chin rests on as she leans into the camera are dainty, long fingers like Ianto and I see the ring. The ring on my finger now.</p><p>I am getting it restored and blown up… the photo not the ring…. a nice large portrait for the main room. It will be a surprise for him, I know he does not have this one and probably does not even know it exists. I have arranged for Owen to put it up while we are at the courthouse so it's there to comfort him when we get back.. like… here we are… safe and proud of you. I mean… you know what I mean. I don't have a flowery mind like Ianto and I know that if I ever looked into his thoughts I would be lost in five seconds, so many programs going at once… like a maze.</p><p>But he will like this. I am sure of it. He is wearing his safe tie. The one he wears when he is not sure of himself and that pisses me off so I spill my coffee as we get in the vehicle, making him change into the only one in the glove box as we drive, making sure there was no time to go into his wardrobe… sometimes I think he will never emerge ya know.</p><p>The only tie is a red one with little black paw prints and I snigger softly as he glares at me. I know he likes this one and I know it was one his kids chose for father's day… for me. He will wear it.</p><p>We will sit and listen and wait our turn. We will hope for the bet, stay quiet and wait. They will both be put back in the jail and we can go home. Ianto will stop grinding his teeth and tapping his foot so hard I have to rest my hand on his knee so the judge does not think he is stroking out over here.</p><p>It will be fine.</p><p>Until I see his father standing there like a little old man clutching a bloody mobility walker, tearful eyes of the elderly as he pitifully cries that his daughter made him do it. She is violent, she is cruel. I want to stand and shout that she is the product of her environment… he made her…. But my hand stays on Ianto's knee.</p><p>It had been a lovely morning, a great drive full of wonderful affirmation but now as we sit here I want to shoot him. I want to rise and shoot the prick in the forehead. I have never felt this before, not in all my years of service, nothing all the work I have done with the scum of the universe in front of me have I felt this level of… righteousness.</p><p>For Ianto I would kill them all.</p><p>His hand is on my knee now.</p><p>The table turns as he steadies and stills me, helping me school my features so the killy killy die die look is gone and his father can stop staring over at me with open fear. Just a preliminary hearing, they will both be placed in holding. Good… at least they are both still in custody.</p><p>The drive home is in relative silence… as in… thinking of daddy and sissy silence. I wonder if he is also imagining a bullet in their respective foreheads too. No. No matter how cruel, he will forgive and forgive and forgive, like a good punching bag.</p><p>But then… if he did not forgive… what chance do I have?</p><p>I love this man.</p>
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<a name="section0035"><h2>35. power</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>35</p><p>- Ianto</p><p>I am beyond twisted with turmoil right now, the trial against my father and sister now once again on hold. I hate this. In. Out. Up. Down. Filing for more discovery… what more do they want? What coloured underwear I was wearing at the time? Jack is a rock. A complete rock and I am so glad he is here with me.</p><p>The damn it I was about to call it the Estate… well… the kids love acting pompous … what does it matter? I am starting to prefer this to the town house actually. I feel safer here even if they would know where I am either way. The space around the house is clear, maybe it's that. Scope of eyesight of whatever. I just feel like maybe out here I have a better chance of protecting my children. God, I am a nervous wreak. Sure they were inside but… what if friends retaliate? What if my Father used some of his money the feds didn't find to hire someone to hurt us? I guess me disappearing would help their case right?</p><p>I know I am being a paranoid fool.</p><p>I don't voice anything to Jack, I know he is on edge already but trying to hide it so why echo what he is thinking too?</p><p>Jack's parents are great, Even if they spoil the little horror. I know I am a little rambly but I've not really slept for a while, I try. I do. I lay there as Jack snuggled against me, his soft breath deepening into that soft sigh telling me he let go and is asleep. Now I can open my eyes to stare at the ceiling, the outside lights on so there is enough light for me to see the outline of shapes in the bedroom.</p><p>I know I may being crazy. I know but… as long as the security lights are on, the alarm is set and that knife under my pillow is within reach… I can lay there and resist the urge to sneak out and check the kids like a lunatic.</p><p>I am only mildly a lunatic.</p><p>I think I am keeping it together, I hope so. Sometimes I am sure I cam screaming out loud, ya know? I wish they were dead. That is horrible to even think that. But there ya go, I am only human.</p><p>I must have drifted off because I startle awake like an electrical charge went through me and I know I had been snoring given the loud snort as I sit bolt upright in the bed. MY head is pounding and I have an irrational need to run but…. Wait. The light is off. Damn it. Jack must have got up once I was snoring and turned them off, he must have forgotten I wanted them on. Damn it all to hell in a hand basket. I turn to look at the clock but the screen is black.</p><p>This is when I finally realize we are in the middle of a power cut, the deep rolling boom in the distance must be a storm. Great. One of the perks of the 'country estate' is the power. Right. I gotta get the generator primed in case they don't come back on.</p><p>No power means no lights, nor breakfast either. God, no coffee. Perish the thought of….</p><p>Of….</p><p>No alarm.</p><p>I know I am panicking as I fall from the bed and thump into the side table as my hands as sliding around looking for the touch and I know with sickening clarity the little beast most likely has it in his room, damn it Jessie!</p><p>OK, I know this place like the back of my hand. Relax. Right? I rise and wander thought the black house and the curtains to the large windows are open, the dull light enough to comfort me even if the rain clouds are blocking the bright moonlight I would have preferred as I sneak to the side of the window and clutch the curtains, peering out like a bloody mouse from it's hole to see if the cat is out there.</p><p>Lawn.</p><p>Well. Go figure.</p><p>I snigger as I wonder what I look like in my PJ bottoms and messy hair, clutching at the curtains like a maiden at her petticoats. I drop the curtains and straighten up resisting the urge to grab at my crotch for extra masculinity. Get a grip mate.</p><p>I open the door and feel it.</p><p>Nope.</p><p>I close the door and stand there totally pissed off at myself for being a little bitch. Not only is it cold and raining…. It is DARK. But seriously folks… I am NOT going out there. Well... not without the bat.</p><p>Now I open the door again, the bat in hand as I slide along the house like there is recessional music playing and I get the shed, whipping inside and closing the door to lean on it then look around with horror in case I trapped myself. God, shoulda worn slippers, the wet decking underfoot was freezing. If I get locked in here I would freeze to death in my jimjams ya know.</p><p>God, I gotta stop with the Stephen King novels.</p><p>I flick the primer a few times, then the ignition and the generator kicks in, the lights flicker and catch and I let my breath out. I rewind the crawl along the veranda sliding along the house, back to the door inside and once in I lock it and check the alarm is set again. I then go back to bed with my heart still pounding, sliding under the covers with a pair of socks on so my feet don't wake Jack… even if he is so inconsiderate he wakes me with his cold feet all the time. Gods listen to me.</p><p>What a pussy.</p><p>I settle to sleep and tell myself to grow the hell up, get over it.</p><p>Then a little voice whispers that I did not lock the door.</p><p>FUCK.</p><p>Time for my rounds because I know I DID shut and lock it. But now I have to prove it to myself like the little pussy I am.</p><p>I will be so glad when this is over.</p><p>My inner voice scolding me is starting to sound like him and is it pissing me off.</p>
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<a name="section0036"><h2>36. moths?</h2></a>
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    <p>- Jack</p><p>Shelby wakes me with her wet nose and I grumble as I try to escape it the wet swipe along my back is gross. Now I see why Ianto wants the door shut and it occurs to me that the door is not shut. I sit up and look at the dog with as much anger as I can show in the dark, then I hear a soft chugging noise and for a moment I am a little confused.</p><p>Are we on a boat? That is definitely a motor. That… the Genny?</p><p>Ianto rolls over to look at me with silent accusation for waking him and I point silently to the open door and the dog, watching his eyes roll as he huffs and sits up as well. He tells me "Power was out when I woke up so I went and fried up the generator for the lights. Must have left it partially open and she pushed it, I could have sworn I closed it."</p><p>"Never mind" I assure him "I will get her out."</p><p>I rise and pat my thigh so she will follow me out of the bedroom and I lead her to the kitchen and let her have one of the snack biscuits she loves and Ianto does not let her have. What he doesn't know won't hurt him, eh?</p><p>I see the rain is falling steadily and as I stand looking to the window I see the darkness beyond out security lights. Still a power outage then. God, I hate those too.</p><p>I turn to pad my way back to bed when I see the wet footprints on the floor and I sigh softly as I scold Ianto for… hang on. I try the door and find it firmly locked. I look at the wet prints again as I scold myself, of course he locked the door again. But the prints are ….</p><p>I find myself running for the kid's rooms, checking each little head is on their pillow and me heart is pounding now as I move to one of the hidden gun lockers, unlocking it and loading a gun as my heart pounds in my chest like a bird in a cage. I scoop the two sets of leys in the bottom of the safe, glad Ianto had thought of this part that I had scoffed about. I again glance back at the main room.</p><p>Two sets of footprints.</p><p>Someone else had entered the house at the same time, most likely while he was in the shed.</p><p>I make my way to the end room where Owen and Toshiko are asleep, checking their door as quietly as I can and finding it locked. As I turn to leave it opens with Owen there looking at me angrily in the half light "What the hell. Third time you've tried it!"</p><p>"No, my first" I whisper, holding the gun so he can see it and his eyes widen "Owen… I am giving you a spare set of keys, I am locking the kid's doors and you lock yours again… someone is in here. IF things go south the keys are colour coded for their room. Pink for Mimi, blue for Davie and purple for the beast. If things kick off get them out OK?"</p><p>I don't wait for an answer, enter each child's room to sweep with malice before exiting and locking the door, feeling horrible doing so but at least glad they are safe, I will apologize to Ianto later.</p><p>I enter our room to check him and as I do so I wonder why Owen said their door was tried twice but ours seems….. they have what was the master bedroom. Whoever is in here thinks we are in there, this was a private lounge room or something… Shelby. Good Shelby, sitting by the door with her eyes wide.</p><p>"Good girl" I whisper, crouching by her "where is he? Where is the bad man?"</p><p>Her head turned towards the wardrobe.</p><p>OK, so that is why the door was open. Then I realize I just left Ianto alone with someone. Jesus Christ, I will have nightmares about that scenario later, right now I remain crouched and point the gun at the door, "If you do not come out of there I will begin firing rounds through the doors. I do not care if I hit you or kill you, you are in my house."</p><p>The breathing in the bed has stopped, Ianto now awake and I want to comfort, to explain but I hear his soft "Fire."</p><p>I decide I waited long enough and I do so, raising to a shooter's kneel to fire four shots into the wardrobe hoping I missed his suits. The silencer making each shot a soft puff. I tried to judge which end they were in and how far they came but I am sure I killed at least one.</p><p>Then came a high pitched scream.</p><p>Gotcha.</p><p>The door slides open as someone fumbles their way out and Ianto turns on the light. I knew he would and had my eyes closed for the flare, opening them to find a man on the floor bleeding everywhere as he screams with pain.</p><p>It's not his father.</p><p>But the tattoos tell me he is an associate.</p><p>I keep the gun on him as Owen enters and administers first aid. He tells him he is lucky there is a doctor in the house.</p><p>He cries that I shot him, how lucky is that?</p><p>"Given the fact you are in my friend's home with their kids?" Owen says as he pauses "You are lucky I don't kill you myself. Easy enough to open this further and find the artery, so close."</p><p>I really like this guy!</p>
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<a name="section0037"><h2>37. simmering to boiling point</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>- Ianto</strong>
</p><p>I am not sure what to think. This son of a bitch was in my house. Near my children. If not for Jack… I might have killed him. I still sort of want to but I am trying hard to hold back on my impulse to snatch up the gun and place it to his forehead.</p><p>I know it's my father's hand here. This man trying to make out he is just a burglar taking advantage of the blackout but the piece of paper in his pocket with the interior of my house hastily sketched out tells another story. One I want to know more about as Jack shoves it in his pocket quickly, rising to distance himself as the ambulance officers enter and take over, Owen also rising to say he will live, fuck him to hell.</p><p>We spend the next few hours of the cold morning with police, fussing and finally our house back. The kids thankfully slept though the elite thing, had that silencer not been attached this might be different but as the last vehicle crunched out of the driveway Jessie slips onto the room with wide eyes, looking around and seeing Jack, then relaxing as he runs to him.</p><p>"Dadda, I thought you left me!" the little boy scolded even as he sees him there.</p><p>He clung to Jack, so happy he has not gone off on a job without him and Jack crooned as he whispered that it was just the paper man dropping off the paper. Jessie accepts his little white lie, taking some toast and jam back to bed with delight as I really do not allow crumbs in the bed but… I will change the bedding today anyway.</p><p>The thought of him in their rooms, touching their little selves fills my mind. The thought he might have even breathed in their rooms… no… all the bedding is going to be changed out for nice fresh, clean linens so… what is a few crumbs eh?</p><p>Gwen arrived, her face solemn as Andy goes around the outside with Jack double checking things for the umpteenth time. Not that I blame him, Jack will have his own nightmares about what might have been this morning. Thank god for that power cut.</p><p>The keys in the fucker's pocket means he would have entered whether I went out to the Genny or not, at least this way the wet footprints were seen. I go over a good many things in my head, especially Jack saying two sets of wet footprints.</p><p>He thinks the second set were mine… I know they were not. I wipe my fucking feet on the mat thanks… besides… I was never in the wet, I stuck to the veranda. Someone else was in the house, someone that now knows we are armed and dangerous, someone that got away.</p><p>My blood boils in a very unpleasant way as I quietly call Idris and let him know, also my theory of the footprints. He assured me that will see what he can glean about the shot fucker… once he is in hospital he will … have him visited.</p><p>Good.</p><p>I am still angry and I know I show it in my stilted movements but the kids are OK, Jack is OK and once Toshiko got me to sit and stop cleaning the bench for the fourth time I know I will be OK too.</p><p>For now.</p><p>It was them. I know it was. My father… I just do not understand his need to dominate and when he cannot get what he wants he explodes with murderous thoughts. Later comes the remorse, the tearful letters and begging for forgiveness, he's changed, he's found god and had seen the light blah blah … if I get one more of those fake bullshit letters I will go see him alright… to shove it down his throat.</p><p>This is my home.</p><p>Mine.</p><p>He has desecrated it with his paid fuckwits.</p><p>I want the other one. I want to know who else has breathed the same air as my sweetling and I know without even discussing it that Jack is on the same page as me. These may as well be his thoughts.</p><p>Finally the police are gone bar the stupid little 'protection' crew left. Two uniforms in a car at the front gate. Right. What the hell is that gonna do? No… Idris is coming and he will leave me with someone who knows how to patrol, how to smell out something not right and who will be as full of malice as the sitting opposite me wearing my ring.</p><p>Yep.</p><p>I want that.</p><p>I am so proud of Jack, his quick thinking and I do not even mind the loss of a suit or two. Only things. Stuff. Besides… an excuse to get a fresh cut one now, see his face when I walk in all shiny and new… this place needs cleaning. I will have to wipe everything. If people don't' stop torching my things I may lose my shit and believe me… you do not want this Tiger to show his claws.</p><p>This?</p><p>Just a clearing of my throat.</p><p>Oh yes… when I go silent and stop raging… I will simply rip a fucking throat out.</p><p>I swear it!</p><p>After all… he is me Da. He should know… I can be a bastard too.</p><p>He taught me.</p>
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